Mundane

I don’t do the whole “weekend recap” thing very often on this blog, but I’m really trying to write more these days, and it’s just far too difficult to find an encompassing theme every time I post. I end up just not writing because I can’t seem to get started. But I’m really starting to feel like this is the perfect time in my life to reflect a lot and in a way, document my experiences, because I’d love to have them for my son or daughter to read someday. I want him or her to know what life was like for mommy and daddy before “baby”, and how excited we were during these months leading up to his or her arrival. Anyway, so if it’s alright, I’m just going to do the whole stream of consciousness thing, and see where it takes me. Something is better than nothing right?

This weekend was just absolutely fantastic. Not only was it beautiful here in the cities, but I got to spend a proportionate amount of time with friends, family, my husband, and by myself. It was quite simply the perfect weekend, and exactly what I have been needing.

I had the day off on Friday, and I had literally no plans for my day, which usually means I will end up doing close to nothing. I know myself well enough to admit that when I don’t make a physical list in which I write things like “get car washed” or “vacuum living room floor”, it’s likely I won’t do them. I am not a mental list kind of girl. I need to cross things off. I need to visualize the tasks in order for them to get done. Well like I was saying, on Friday I didn’t write anything down, and I barely accomplished anything. I ironed some clothes, loaded the dishwasher, begrudgingly called Sprint customer service, and watched an episode of Real Housewives of New York City, multiple episodes of Bringing Home Baby, and about 95% of JFK (which is like a bajillion hours long, especially when played on TV with commercials). I FINALLY showered at 3:00, and quick before Dan got home I sorted the laundry for the first time in about six months. I am such an amazing wife, your husband/boyfriend is, I’m sure, jealous. Later that night Dan and I met up with Lisa for dinner and to catch up since she had just returned from a week long vacation in Mexico. (Jealousy.) I drooled a bit watching Dan drink his beer. I know I shouldn’t say it, but I totally miss beer and red wine. And soft cheeses. Oh my, the cheese thing is sort of killing me.

Saturday really truly felt like the first day of spring. Lisa and I took the dog for a walk around Palmer Lake, and it felt so good to be out in the sun getting some exercise. Bella got muddy and smelly of course, but she was in heaven so it was well worth it. It was really nice to get one-on-one buddy time with Lisa, and we chatted about all things baby, work, and of course boy related. I am really determined to get outside more now that the weather is getting more cooperative, and stay active throughout the pregnancy. Now that I’m out of the first trimester and feeling a lot better, even though I don’t feel up to starting up with the running again, I’d really like to try to walk 3-4 times a week. Again, I know myself and I know how important exercise is to my general well being. I am seriously a beastly person when I let myself be lazy for too long, Dan usually gets the grunt of it. I think I need those endorphins to stay sane and to just keep me going every day.

We met more buddies for lunch, which was lovely, and afterwards I set out to do some shopping. I really love shopping by myself, and I suppose I should enjoy it while I can huh? Come fall I will have a little babe attached to my hip/boob. I bought some new tops (some maternity, some not) that should make getting dressed every day for work a little easier. I’m starting to dread those 15 minutes every morning, and my closet looks like a tornado went through. Pregnant outfit crisises (crisi?) are much worse than the regular ones, believe me.

On Sunday we spent most of our day out in Stillwater, doing some antiquing with my parents. Ugh, I want to live in Stillwater, it is so beautiful. We had a ridiculously delicious brunch and again just enjoyed being outdoors in such a lovely town. It’s fun to be able to look for baby stuff, I’m having a great time thinking about the nursery and what we’re going to do in there.

Wow, THIS is why I don’t do these “weekend recap” things very often. I feel like such a douche just listing off the things I did every day. Seriously, I was “this” close to just writing about what Dan and I made for dinner on Sunday night, and about the pineapple I picked up at the grocery store that I was dangerously close to devouring in one sitting. I have no problem with the life I lead, but it is obviously not so exciting on paper. Even my baby will be embarrassed by how boring and mundane this all is if he or she really does read this someday. (I swear kid - I used to dance on bars and sing at the top of my lungs and take “Betsy’s Special” shots.)

I’ll leave you with the first “belly shot” I’ve taken, at 16 weeks, 5 days. It’s finally starting to grow, and I’m a little surprised by my reaction. People aren’t kidding when they say that it makes it feel all the more real when there becomes real physical “visible” proof of something growing inside of you. I mean seriously, how freaking crazy IS that? It really is crazy. When I lay on my back, I can feel the hard little lump that is my uterus in there, like a big ole’ orange or avocado right there in my belly. Last night it was on the left side, and when I woke up this morning it was on the right. Crazy crazy crazy that our bodies were built to do this, I’m just starting to feel so in awe of the whole process.

Anyway, the picture is not that great, and for some reason I decided to take it on a day when I was wearing the busiest shirt anyone has ever seen, so it is hard to see the little bump that I have going on there. Also, my desk is a mess of binders and folders and my office isn’t quite as sad as this makes it look. Well, maybe it is.

I Am Woman

This being pregnant thing is kind of crazy. Yes, for those of you who don’t know me in real life, I’ll be 16 weeks pregnant in a few days! That in itself is seriously crazy. Sometimes I can’t believe it, but then I vomit a bunch of stomach bile in the shower (i.e. this morning) and I am reminded that there’s a little baby in there who brought along with him or her lots of crazy hormones which are wreaking havoc on my body. I try to limit the complaining about morning sickness and all that to my wonderful husband, but I’m pretty sure even he’s getting tired of hearing about it, which I totally understand. I hate being an invalid. It’s strange though, I’ll feel relatively good for a few days and think I’m through the worst of it, especially now that I’m well into the second trimester. I was all over the place this weekend walking on rainbows and blowing kisses to bunnies, telling everyone how much more energy I have and how the nausea has almost completely disappeared. And then I started the week out yesterday by running from my office to the bathroom multiple times, slumping over in my chair most of the day, and sucking on Preggie Pops like they were going out of style. I totally jinxed myself didn’t I?

Anyway, in other news, my belly is starting to grow, and most of my pants are seriously uncomfortable. I’m in what I feel is a pretty ugly phase. I am “showing” based on what clothes I’m wearing and how much I’m sucking in, and random people I meet at Target, or coworkers who haven’t yet “heard” the news, would think I’ve just eaten too many cheeseburgers. I’ve avoided maternity shopping up until recently because I just don’t know what I’ll need, and how long certain things will fit. The whole thing rather stresses me out. However, one of the girls that I met through grad school just had her second (and last) baby in December, and she gave me all her maternity clothes when we met up for lunch a few weeks ago. I can sometimes be sort of bratty about “used” clothes, mostly because if I wasn’t a little bratty, my mother would make it her personal mission to fill my closet with her thrift store finds. But getting a huge box of ALL of someone’s maternity clothes, I have decided, is the best thing ever. I now have about 5 skirts, 4 dresses, 4 pairs of work pants, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of shorts, and loads of both casual and “office-appropriate” tops. I feel like I’m totally set, and as I go through my pregnancy will now be able to just supplement my new wardrobe as I change sizes or get totally sick of certain things. I went through everything this weekend, and organized by size, and now just feel as if this huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Which brings me to women, and how awesome I think they are. While there are still lots of those out there who will only tell you their horror stories, or brag about how little weight they gained (Mom), for the most part I have found my relationships and conversations with other women who have gone through pregnancy and childbirth totally empowering. The girls from grad school, who I met up with for a quick lunch that turned into 3 hours, were so supportive, excited, and non-judgmental. One friend, Jessi, told me she will tell me anything and everything about pregnancy, childbirth, caring for newborns that I’d like to know, but that I just need to remember one thing. She said, “Whatever you’re feeling or going through is totally normal, and it’s ok to feel that way. You have to remember to tell yourself that constantly, now and after the baby is born.” I just love that, and I love her for saying it.

My friend Liz just had her adorable little boy in September, and sometimes I wish I had a tape recorder when I’m talking to her, she has so much helpful advice. Her honesty has been refreshing, she doesn’t leave out the scary stuff, and I think that honesty like that only helps women feel less alone during late night feedings and periods of intense “I don’t know if I can do this anymore” exhaustion. Those women that pretend to be “super mom” every time they talk to you just frustrate me to no end, I mean who or what does that kind of attitude serve?

Then there's Mandy, who I swear IS a super mom, but she certainly doesn't proclaim to be one. I see how much joy she gets from being a mother, and I remember why the morning sickness, bloating, and fat stages will be totally worth it when we have our child. Her relationship with her little boy is awe-inspiring, she just absolutely loves being with him, teaching him new things, providing him with new experiences. I swear she was put on this earth to be a mother. If I get half as much joy from being a mom as Mandy gets, I will be perfectly content.

Betsy and Kate are also both pregnant right now, which is seriously awesome. Betsy is due in July with her first baby girl, and Kate is expecting her second little bugger in August. How lucky am I to be pregnant at the same time as two of my best friends? Hypothetical high-five to God for that one. I love being able to bounce nursery ideas of the two of them, compare notes on weight gain, talk about weird pregnancy things like the constant burping & indigestion. (Seriously, what the heck is that about!?) And when I say “compare notes”, I don’t mean we’re competitive with each other and all Judgy McJudgerson about it. It’s just about receiving and providing extra support amongst friends that know exactly what each is going through.

Women are awesome. I guess that’s what I’m getting at with all my rambling. Being pregnant has only made that more clear.

Holiday wrap-up

So I can say that I made it through the Holidays unscathed. It was touch-and-go there for a bit, as my last post not-so-subtly alluded to, but I had an amazing Christmas. I feel the need to admit that a few things from my “list” got dropped. First of all, the cookie thing just did not happen, I simply never made the time, especially after many days of indulging myself on chocolate and homemade cookies courtesy of others. I still have the ingredients to make my planned cookies, so maybe after all of the chocolate that Santa left in our stockings is gone, I’ll think about doing some work in the kitchen. Baking and sharing sweets with others could actually be a welcome respite from the drudgery that is January/February in Minnesota. (Do we not all agree, the worst months ever? Just more cold to look forward too, the holidays are over, and the snow starts to really feel like an inconvenience rather than all magical and cheery. Plus it means the end of all those wonderfully horrible made-for-TV Christmas movies on ABC Family, Lifetime, and The Hallmark Channel. Did anyone else watch Snow 2: Brain Freeze? Certain to be a classic! [Sarcasm.] )

Also getting back to the items on my list that didn’t actually get done… shhhh, I haven’t really cleaned my house yet. I know, I’m terrible. THIS WEEKEND though, I swear!

Our Christmas involved lots and lots of family time, which I can say is usually both wonderful and exhausting. Dan and I still try super hard each year to give every side of the family equal time, but it can be so trying. Believe it or not we actually hit up two separate celebrations on Christmas Eve, plus church, after both working half the day. I don’t know how this is going to continue to work when we have kids, since it’s barely working now. When we first got married it felt like there was nothing to question; of course we’d just cram it all in because neither of us could imagine not seeing our respective families on Christmas Eve. However every year that we do it, the idea of switching off year-to-year between his family and mine sounds more and more appealing. My Christmas season mantra needs to be, “You can’t make everyone happy.”

Just to make you all realize that I am not kidding with the overwhelming-ness of family commitments over Christmas, this was our schedule for those few days. I MUST reiterate that I am not making this list as a complaint, because I love how awesomely large both of our families are, and I love being able to spend time with everyone. What gets to me is how condensed all of this family time is. It constantly feels like we’re running somewhere new, and not able to enjoy the place we’re in.

Night before Christmas Eve:
8:00 – 2:00 Work/commute (and a sneak-out for a bit at lunch to finish my shopping)
3:30 – 9:00 Dinner and presents at Dan’s parents’ house

Christmas Eve:
8:00 – 1:00 Work/commute
4:30 – 5:30 Church
5:45 – 8:45 Dinner and presents at my aunt’s house
9:00 – 11:00 Presents and dessert at Dan’s grandparents' house (his mom’s side)

Christmas Day:
8:00 – 9:00 Open presents at home with Dan and Bella (& COFFEE!)
10:00 – 3:00 Brunch, presents, games at my parent’s house with my immediate family
3:00 – 8:30 45 minute drive to and from Dan’s aunt’s house for his dad’s family
8:30 – 9:30 Stop by at my grandparent’s house for games
10:00 – 12:00 Crash on the couch watching Love Actually

Sunday after Christmas
12:30 – 2:00 Drive to my aunt and uncle’s place up north
2:00 – 6:30 Football, sleigh ride with real reindeer, dinner, coffee, chit-chat
6:30 – 8:00 Drive home.

After making that list, I feel like I should suck it up and shut up, because that is probably what most people’s holidays look like.

As far as gifts go, the holiday has definitely become less and less about the presents. I still LOVE shopping for presents, and wrapping presents, all of that, but for me, I really have no idea what to tell people when they ask what I’d like. It’s not that I am this great person who does not need material things… no I am all about the material things… total Material Girl. I love clothes, love makeup, love shoes, books, iPods, home décor… basically I love stuff, and love being given it. I just have no idea how to answer that inevitable question, which of course leads to me telling multiple people the same thing almost every year. This year, it was the small point-and-shoot digital camera. I already have a big honking camera that has an incredible zoom and takes great photos, but it is bulky, a bit confusing for some, and quite simply is tough to use for those long arm self-portraits that we ladies love to do. Anyway, so I asked for said small camera from both my mom and my husband without realizing. Of course they each got me one, and I had to admit this to my mom when I opened her gift. I felt like a total ass.

This is becoming very rambly, so I think I’ll bring it to a close. All-in-all, a great Christmas, but I’ve come out of it on the other side a very very tired girl. Tonight is New Year’s Eve at Liz’s place, and I can’t wait to see all my friends and commiserate over our shared exhaustion. Cheers! Be safe tonight!

T'is the season... to freak out

Do you ever have those mornings where it feels like your life is just in shambles? Well, that’s a really dramatic way to put it, but lately I just feel like I can’t get my act together and get out the door in a reasonable amount of time. And I know it’s because I am so unorganized at home, I work long hours, get home, make dinner, and just poop out on the couch. It doesn’t help that my house is sooooo cold, that the minute I get home I feel like I need to either get under a blanket or change into long underwear. Anyway, the point is, I am so lazy on weeknights and end up wasting them away, even when there is SO MUCH TO DO! Like right now. Right smack in the middle of the holiday season… there is so much that I just keep putting off, and it really is having a terrible affect on the rest of my life. This morning, a direct result of my laziness with laundry and inability to get out of bed at a reasonable time (and I suppose my unwillingness to forgo my morning run), I missed the first half of a really important meeting. With really important people. People who can make or break my career advancement at this company. I am stupid.

The list of things I have been forgoing each night for a glass of wine and my DVR is a mile long, and I’m going to publish it here in hopes that my acknowledgement of the list will encourage me to tackle it.

1. Christmas cards. I FINALLY ordered photo cards from Costco yesterday. After a month of looking online at cute designs and going back and forth as to which picture of Dan and me over the year to use, I finally just had to go with cheap and fast. They should be ready for pickup today at 4:00. Obviously, step two is to get them in the freaking mail. This will also involve going to the post office for stamps. Damn, I totally forgot about that stupid little errand. I hate the post office and usually prefer to order my stamps online, but of course… procrastination rears its ugly head and we do not have time for that.

2. Finish Christmas shopping. We’re doing ok here, only a few people left. Of course I have a WHOLE separate list for Christmas gifts, but this definitely needs to be included here. Now I’ve sort of got a nice matrix-list thing going on. See List 2 appendix i, column G.

3. Make cookies! I know this could totally be dropped from the list, but the holiday season just is not complete without a few baking-induced arguments in our messy little kitchen. You see, Dan and I are not always the best team when it comes to cooking. I like to boss and obviously my way is always the right way, and he does not like being told what to do. Trust me. We both become horrible versions of ourselves when we try to accomplish anything together in the kitchen. Snide comments, check. Silent treatment, check. Taking it out on our dog who is constantly under-foot causing us to trip all over ourselves, check. And what better way to honor Jesus’s birthday? (Also, I am craving like you wouldn’t believe those candy oatmeal cookies that we made last year, sooo… yea.)

4. Finish gift-wrapping. See List 2 appendix ix, column B.

5. Put away the laundry/shoes that are all over the guest bedroom, our living room, our laundry room, etc. Oh, and the clothes that are just spewed all over the two bedrooms upstairs as a result of multiple outfit crisises (crisi?). Also, organize the thousand pairs of tights I have accumulated that are hanging out of their overstuffed and disheveled dresser drawer.

6. Wash all those clothes that need “special care” that have been hanging in our laundry room for possibly two decades. I have so much cute stuff down there that I haven’t worn in ages because I avoid the laundry room like the plague. That’s Dan’s room, he handles the laundry. However rightfully so, he refuses to deal with any of my clothes that have special instructions.

7. Clean the bathroom, vacuum the first floor, scrub the kitchen, remove dog hair from furniture, make our house look less hobo.

8. Bring grandma’s gifts (for us, which we bought for ourselves) to her house, so she can wrap them. Seems wrong, yes, but I am getting an adorable kelly green peacoat with big black buttons and a round collar that makes me look skinny instead of puffy. And if it saves her a few holiday shopping freak-outs, than everyone is happy I say.

9. Do the grocery shopping for my friend Holly’s holiday party on Sunday. We’re supposed to bring a dish to share, and I’m making this dip. Holy yum. Also, we need to find and wrap two crappy things we have lying around in our house for the white elephant gift exchange they’re doing.

10. My OCD side wants this list to be an even 10 but I can’t think of an actual substantial final item to add to this list. There are thousands of little things that I’m not going to bore the internet with (hasn’t this list already bored (boreded, bore, boren?) you enough?), but those are all going on List 3 of my List Matrix, which I still need to compile from the dozens of post-its littering my office. Got it! The tenth item on this list will be to compile List 3. Genius!

So there you have it. Operation get my life on track has commenced!

Knew something was coming

So I have a lot on my mind today, mostly due to stuff going on at work. I’m not going to get into too many details, because as most of us know, writing about work on the internet for current and future bosses to read is NOT SMART. All I can say is, I’ve been wondering lately when the ball would drop here at work, with everything that’s going on with the economy, and its pretty safe to say that said ball has dropped. That’s not to say that it’s all in pieces smashed and broken all over the ground. The ball’s just sitting there on the dirty ass floor, rolling around a bit, waiting to get kicked around some more. [Ok, enough with the metaphors right? It’s not even a good metaphor… I’ll stop.]

It’s just that until now, considering these terrible economic conditions we’re living in, with so many people out of work, loosing their homes, and eating into their savings, I had really yet to experience a scary, first-hand impact of the sucky economy. Of course my 401K is down like a bajillion percent, and I’ve essentially lost every single penny I put into it this year plus a whole crap-load more, but I’ve been trying to just roll with the punches with my investments, keeping in mind that they are decidedly long-term, that the economy is cyclical and my retirement fund will live to see another day. Suffice it to say, what my colleagues and I were told today hit quite a bit closer to home than all those red numbers on my 401K statement.

I’ve got a job, and I was recently promoted, so I have so much to be thankful for… that’s just something I need to remember over the next year. That's WAY more than so many people in our country can say.

Also my presidential candidate was elected to office, so I’m hopeful for the future and convinced that his leadership will help us turn this around. Yes we can.

Debbie Downer

I guess Dan caught up on my blog today, and he commented to me that it looks like I've been a real Debbie Downer lately. I seriously had no idea that I was coming off as such a curmudgeon! I've just been trying to put in a little effort lately to actually freaking blog, but it appears that the thoughts/events that inspire my blogging are usually of the negative variety. In the past month I've complained about eating candy to the point of feeling like vomiting, being ugly for Halloween, my cold house, the fact that it is dark so early lately, long and exhausting weeks at work, Dan travelling for work, my fears of fall being over too quickly (which I now see were completely warranted... winter needs to turn its ass back around because I am not ready for it yet!). Now today, it's all about the static cling and how it is ruining my life.

[Update on the static cling issue: I went to Target at lunch and bought a slip, and my world is right again because my skirt doesn't ride up to my crotch when I walk. My self-imposed banishment to my office chair is over. I've been walking to the printer, going to the bathroom all the way at the other end of the building (just for fun), and getting coffee like a mad woman. And it doesn't get much better than printing reports, peeing, and drinking 16 oz cups of watered down coffee. A whole new woman I tell you.]

Anyway, the point is, I am a happy person, no worries guys. Though I may take Dan up on his offer of "finding something to cheer me up". I could always use a new pair of shoes honey. =)

Good morning?

The good: I'm wearing a ridiculously cute outfit today, if I do say so myself. Peachy-orange, green & black floral dress, black cardigan, black tights, 3 inch black booties. My hair is cooperating. I'm drinking coffee.

The bad: Major static cling issues. I'm not kidding, it is insane. My dress rides up the moment I start walking. I've applied lotion all over my thighs & knees (on top of the tights), which usually works. Nada. I have some static cling spray stuff at work, sprayed that crap all over my self, and still no relief. I even grabbed a few fabric softener sheets as I ran out of the house today, and I've basically rubbed them all over my legs and dress to no avail. This sucks. I don't know what else to do. I would have changed before I left for work when I realized the problem, but I was already running about 10 minutes behind, and stressing about getting out the door. It's so bad, I can't even walk to the printer without walking like a hunchback and tugging at my hem.

Tuesdays suck.

Jason Mraz though on Thursday! Twilight on Friday! I just have to make it through this hell.

Home

I'm sitting here on the couch, perusing blogs, uploading pictures to facebook, digesting the homemade macaroni and cheese Dan just made, and I'm thinking to myself, a Friday night spent in my cozy home doing nearly nothing is exactly what I've been needing. I have a really hard time saying "no" to plans with family and friends, always have, which means we're barely ever able to have nights like this on our own on the weekend.

I can't believe its winter already. Seriously, how did that happen? I hate how dark it is at 5:00 PM, it really does a number on my productivity and energy.

So happy hour last night was really fun, I will be forever grateful that we ended up in a graduate program with such amazing and fun people, and I want to make sure we keep up these relationships that somehow formed over two years of group projects and commiserating over shared elevated levels of stress. For all the talk about networking in an MBA program, I think we've been lucky to have made relationships that go beyond that. It's also nice to have more people to drink and gossip with. ;-)

I'm going to go put some socks on, because my feet are freezing in this drafty old house of ours. One of the many joys of owning a house built in 1936. (I complain, but of course I love it.) I love that we have no plans until tomorrow evening, so I can look forward to a lazy morning of VH1 music videos, a pot of coffee, and some more melodramatic vampire love. Oooh, and we have bacon in the freezer, I think we'll have to break that out tomorrow. I can't even describe how much I fricken love bacon, there's a reason why I don't usually buy it.

My god this was random.

My Friday

I'm so ready for the weekend. Thankfully I have tomorrow off, so my weekend is about 20 minutes away from beginning, but, my goodness, this week felt long. Dan was on travel for work again, so its been a bit dull, even though I've kept pretty busy with evening meetings and dinners with family. It's crazy how much easier it is to appreciate something when you have to go without it. It's like we're in this little bubble of a life together, and I take for granted that I get to come home to this wonderful man who's my best friend, roommate, "co-parent" to our dog, and partner in all things. I take for granted that he's always there every night to listen to me complain about work, to make dinner together, to watch The Daily Show while we eat at the coffee table like twenty-two year-olds. I don't know, I just like being with him, which I guess is kind of awesome. But also sorta... well duh!

Crap, I gotta go, we're meeting up with some people from our MBA courses for happy hour downtown, and I was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago. I am so chronically late it's not funny, which I can safely say is one of those things Dan doesn't appreciate about me.

Anyway, happy weekend!

Gross

I feel like I'm going to puke. Here in the office on a Friday afternoon, all alone and bored because my coworkers are a bunch of Friday-work-ditchers, I have eaten an excessive amount of those Bit-O-Honey candies that I've been obsessing over.

And I'm pretty sure my stomach is going to explode.

I wish I had some self control. Blechhh. I wish I could tell 1:00 PM me to not venture into the convenience store for that stupid candy. I hate you 1:00 PM Alicia.