Just call me awkward

Okay, I’m annoyed. 


I’m sure more than I should be, but those are the facts, I’m annoyed.  


Before I go into why, here’s a little background on my personality…I’m definitely an introvert.  Sometimes I’m able to disguise this a bit, I am able to hide some of my social awkwardness and have normal conversations with strangers.  I am even sort of funny, and when I can tell someone else is an introvert, that’s when I’m in my best form.  I can make that person feel comfortable, I ask questions, I am interested in what they do and what their children’s names are.  I find ways to relate to them. 


Anyway, so I can do that.  I can actually function in social situations.  I am not completely weird… well maybe a little but I try really hard not to show it, and I’m pretty sure I don’t make people nervous. 

I’m definitely better one-on-one than in groups.  In groups I fade away into the background.  In groups I find myself unsure of where to stand, or how to interject myself into a conversation.

I can hold my own though, one-on-one, despite how much I may be freaking out internally. 

So yeah, I’m an introvert, and here’s the thing - the idea of approaching another mom at the pool or park in an actual effort to “make friends” is somewhat terrifying to me.  And while I loathe how awkward the whole process can be, that is just what I want to do, I desperately want to make some local mom friends. 

Friends that I can text at 8:30 AM to meet up with at the park. 

Friends that I can email the night before and say, “Hey, do you and the kids want to come by tomorrow morning for popsicles and pool time in the backyard?”

Friends that can keep an eye on my two year old and make sure he doesn’t run into the street or push a kid off a play structure while I sit on a blanket in the shade and nurse my baby real quick like. 

I want neighborhood buddies.  I want to be able to chat with someone while pushing our kids on the swings and not have to plan a week in advance and drive a half hour to do it. 

And also I want Gus to make friends.  He doesn't go do daycare, and with my part-time schedule sort of lives the SAHM/nanny lifestyle, and I don't feel like he gets to play with a lot of other kids his age.  Some of his aggression issues seem to be getting better (knock on wood) and the only way he's going to learn how to interact with other children is to actually do it.

So I want all those things, but to get them, I need to go beyond my current mode of operation.  Which looks something like this - we’ll be at the park or the pool or something, and Gus is playing with another kid and the other mom or dad and I will awkwardly smile at each other and sort of laugh together at the funny things our children are doing.  The knowing, commiserating, smiles. 

We will discuss the typical boring nothingness, like “How old is he?” and “Oh, and what a cute name!” or “That’s about how far apart these two are.” But then it never goes beyond that because I am too much of an awkward person to make it go beyond that, or to make the conversation turn into the actual exchanging of the digits. 

I don’t know how to say, “Hey man, so do you guys come here regularly?  Maybe we could meet up here next week?  Same bat time, same bat channel?” without sounding like and coming across as a total jack hole. 

We may converse a bit as we push our kids on the swings, but then they’re leaving and I’m all, “Gus, say goodbye to your new friend!”  When what I want to do is say, “Hey, you seem cool, I’m cool, it’d be fun to come to the park and know that someone else who is cool will be there, can we exchange email address or phone numbers or something?”

I mean really?  Why is that kind of thing so hard for me?  How do you go about actually saying that without not feeling like a total nerd and getting pit stains?
   

All that to say, yesterday I took a leap and thought, whatevs, why don’t I attempt to make local mom friends INTERNET STYLE? 

My little neighborhood has its own club, which really is just a word-of-mouth Facebook group of which I’m a member of.  People post stuff about new shops popping up in the neighborhood, city-wide events happening, fitness classes being offered, crime prevention, happy-hour meet-ups, that sort of thing.  So I thought, why not?  I’ll just post a note to see if anyone would want to set up a little mom-group thing.  Very informal like, but create a way to do the “let’s do this again sometime” thing online, rather than in person.

I thought it was worth a shot and figured there were other introverts out there like me who would like to make mom friends with others who have young chidren, but also find the whole thing super awkward.  

I also know my sister-in-law would like to talk to someone other than my two year old when she’s watching my kids three days a week… maybe have a grown-up conversation that doesn't revolve around Thomas trains and building and knocking down towers. 

You see where this is going?

I would have been happier with NO RESPONSE than with the few "helpful" responses I did get:

I’m sure they are well-meaning, but I can’t help being annoyed, for a number of reasons:


The first lady’s comment, its just soooo typical, the kind of comment moms of young children can’t seem to escape.  That same old cliché that you hear from more experienced moms, or moms of grown children – Buck up and get over it! Enjoy every moment because the time goes by so fast!  GAH!!!!  This kind of thing makes me SO FURIOUS because encouragement in the way of offering “perspective” is not always the answer to what ails me.  This lovely lady wrote about this phenomenon in a much more articulate way than I could.  In short, what she said.  

Chris’s suggestion to just go to the park and meet other moms that way is exactly the sort of thing that is hard for me, thus it is why I’m doing this thing on the internet.  A way of pushing myself out of my comfort zone and making the awkward park meet-up just a little less awkward by getting the “introduction” out of the way ahead of time.  I know I’m not coming out and saying this in my post, but I didn’t think I had to.

Here we are at the park.  Alone.  Easily making friends.

Oh, and yeah, thanks Lesli.  I see those moms.  I go to that pool.  The last time I was there it was a whole group of them, and they all seemed to know each other and the furthest thing from my mind was interjecting myself all in the middle of this entity. 

And finally, the thing that I find the most annoying?  That two other ladies had to go and “Like” Chris’s comment on my post, making me feel like even more of a tool.  Making me feel like an idiot for even attempting to do it this way, when the answer is clearly SO OBVIOUS.  I need to JUST GO TO THE PARK, and TALK TO PEOPLE!  DUH!  Like how stupid am I?

Whatever. 

I told you, I’m way more annoyed than I should be.  But still.  I am annoyed, and I didn’t feel like I got the appropriate amount of venting out when I ranted on and on to Dan about it. 

Feel free to tell me if you agree with Chris, who so clearly thinks I need to let loose and simply stop being such a dork about it and go to the park and easily make friends. 

Because it is that easy for everyone.