Musings on a lot of random crap

So I’m reading the Twilight series, sometimes referred to as “those melodramatic teen vampire books”, and now that I’m on the third one I’m a little bummed by the fact that all I can picture are the actors from the upcoming movie. Ever since I finished the first one, I have been scouting around on the internet, watching trailers, and devouring the movie’s IMDB listing, and I just can’t get Kristen Stewart or that Harry Potter dude out of my head… and reading isn’t as fun that way. Plus, Edward was way hotter in my imagination. My brother and I were talking about this the other day, and he said he does the same thing. He said he was relieved to have read The Davinci Code before seeing or hearing about the movie… Tom Hanks being such a bizarre casting choice for the role. Maybe that’s why I never finished that one; I tried to read it during post production of the movie and just couldn’t get through it. Or it could have just been all the hype that did it in for me with that damn book.

I’m pretty much always in the middle of reading Pride and Prejudice. I start it, finish it months and months later, and then start it again. I have a problem with all things Jane Austen, I tend to become obsessed. The weird thing is that as I read, I mix up all the actors from the different movie versions of the novel. So Lizzie Bennett is Jennifer Ehle, the chick that played her in the old BBC Miniseries, but Mr. Darcy is the guy from the Keira Knightly version. Jane is also the actress from the new version (because she’s so freaking gorgeous), but the other sisters are from the old one. Mr. Bennett is definitely Donald Sutherland, because I love him, but Mrs. Bennett is that horribly screechy woman from the BBC miniseries. Oh, almost forgot Mr. Bingley. Of course he is the adorable Simon Woods, in my head. God, is anyone still reading this? For your sake I hope not, I am becoming ridiculously rambly.

Lately I’m obsessed with Bit-O-Honey candies, which are little old people candies that we have in our candy dish at home. I can’t stop thinking about them, and have even been eating them for breakfast on my way to work. Just thought I’d throw that in, because it is incredibly random to be freaking out over weird grandparent candy. Ha! I just read that Wikipedia link and have learned that the Bit-O-Honey was voted the Most Appalling Candy at some Kentucky county fair. I guess there are many who do not agree with me that Bit-O-Honey are the bom-diggity. I am in a weird mood... it's my Friday.

Our annual Halloween party is on Saturday and I am super pumped! However… my costume this year is seriously ridiculous and UGLY, and I’m starting to regret it. Like any woman, I like to look cute on Halloween, not slutty cute, but at least pretty. I say this now, as a warning, I will not be pretty on Saturday. Ugh. I wonder if it’s too late to switch costumes. Considering our house is a mess, I have done no shopping for the party, and there are pumpkins to be carved… no, I think I’m committed. Oh well. I hope we at least get laughs if I have to endure being so damn ugly the whole night. Reminds me of when I wore my pig flannel pajamas and pigtails to the bar on Halloween during my freshman year of college. I regretted that the second we stepped into the dance club full of slutty nurses and devils.

Cracking up

I am just loving everything about this fall, the changing colors of the leaves, the green grass, the pumpkins by the side of the road, the mums we bought for our front stoop, even the Halloween candy in the aisles of Target. However, for some reason I am living in this weird funky constant state of fear that it will suddenly be over. It simply always feels like winter is just around the corner, ready to pounce on us poor unsuspecting fools. So every one of those beautiful autumnal days we have, if I’m too busy to really enjoy it I find myself in a state of panic that it might have been the last one, and I just squandered it away. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just enjoy a good thing without questioning it, without thinking about the bigger picture, without being afraid of tomorrow? I must have a sickness.

Speaking of my issues, Dan was away for business earlier this week, and during those three days I had all by myself at home, I sort of felt like I might be cracking up. My feelings on being home alone land on two sides of the for-or-against argument. On one hand, I absolutely love it. Specifically, I love being able to eat cereal for dinner or watch whatever I want on TV, and I love being able to read in bed without getting molested. I like how whatever mess I make is MY mess, so it doesn’t bother me. I can get engrossed in Facebook stalking or reading blogs for hours without someone asking me what I’m doing, what errands we need to run, and what the plans are for dinner. But with the good, come the bad. I am the first to admit that I become SO LAZY when I’m by myself and have no real, concrete plans. No matter what I might have earlier decided I wanted to do with my night, I can’t seem to get my ass out of the house. A lot of the time it’s because I somehow become engrossed in terrible sitcoms on Lifetime (Reba? Really? What is wrong with me?) or West Wing episodes that showed up on the DVR. I have needed blush since Saturday, but I haven’t been able to drag myself to Sephora yet. I was planning on stopping to buy some zucchini the other night on my way home from work, but instead I just kept on driving and made macaroni and cheese at home and vegged out watching 27 Dresses. While I don’t begrudge myself a little vegging out, it really makes me wonder what my life would be like if I actually lived by myself. I’d like to think I would still be an active member of society who leaves her home, but I honestly can’t be sure. Thank God for Dan. Hopefully I never have to find out!

What up?

Judging by my absence from this here blog for (holy crap) more than five months, you’d probably guess, I’ve been a busy girl. Busy finishing up all 6 of my final courses, writing a bajillion papers, graduating with a masters and a perfect 4.0 GPA (I know, I brag), trying to enjoy the summer a bit, attending two fabulously debaucherous bachelorette parties and a Christmas-decor themed shower for one of my bestest friends, standing up for her at a gorgeous wedding ceremony on the lake at this awesome resort, and travelling all over Peru for a total of 11 days during which I was forced to poo in little holes in the ground for a portion of it.

It’s been a crazy, stressful, wonderful, exhilarating five months. And now… I am back to normal, I have my regular old life back and it is pretty damn awesome. Just in time for fall, my favorite season.

So what’s on my mind these days? In no discernable order at all, these are some things I’ve been thinking about:

• Babies. Yup.
• Chai Tea Lattes. They taste like October, I swear to God. Where have I been?
• Boots. I just bought these babies last week, and I think I’m in love. My brother works for Aldo now, which has proven to be very convenient.
• Speaking of shoes, and of course my brother’s discount, these might be next (if I can swing it with the hubs). I think two new pairs of shoes for the fall/winter seasons are respectable enough, no?
• I’ve found a few more good/terrible blogs which make me seethe with annoyance and silent judgment. Those are my favorites, and I feel like a sick masochist for continuing to go back, day after day. I wonder if there’s anyone out there seething with annoyance and silent judgment over my blog. Oh that’s right, I never write anything new here, if any ever existed, they’re likely long gone.
• Meat. Only because last night we took my parents to Fogo de Chão for my dad’s birthday. So. Much. Meat. It was overwhelming, somewhat nauseating, yet at the same time delicious.
• TV. I can watch again, as my evenings are no longer spent reading boring business text books and writing papers! I’m most excited about The Office, Pushing Daisies, Mad Men, and How I Met Your Mother. (Guilty pleasures that I am super embarrassed to be watching: Greys, Private Practice, Lipstick Jungle, and sometimes a little Real World Road Rules Challenge thrown in.)
• The Duchess. Does anyone want to see this movie with me? I know for a fact that Dan is a no-go, and Betsy, this is the mother of all “olden days” movies so I will make an educated guess you’re also not interested. I, on the other hand, am obsessed and giddy about the prospect of forbidden love, arranged marriages, constricting corsets, ridiculous wigs, and Kiera Knightly.
• Antiquing. Bring on the early morning drives to Buffalo, picking up hot coffee on the way, the kitschy vases and standing lamps, the combined smells of cinnamon, barn, and oil based paint, and the stops at the vegetable stand on the way home to stock up on funky gourds, squash, and honey crisp apples. We went last weekend, and I’m thinking about going again this Saturday.

As you can see, most of what’s on my mind these days is either superficial or mundane. But this is the good stuff of life, taking stock and getting enjoyment out of the little things, and I’m so happy to be able to take the time to do it again. I’m bracing myself for more evening walks and happy hours with the girls, reading the paper while downing whole pots of coffee on Sunday mornings, and getting excited about planning out my Halloween costume. Loving it all.

Overwhelmed

I’ve been in a bit of a funk over the last few weeks. I’ll admit it, the combination of school and work and life is really stressing me out. I wake up exhausted every morning, I have to tear myself out of bed and into the shower. Once I’m at work, I’m ok, but I’m constantly thinking about everything that I have to do for school, and the inevitable dread of going home starts around 4:00, because then all I’m thinking about is everything I should try to accomplish that night. The traffic seems worse every day, and I have a terrible headache by the time I get home from 40 minutes of stop and go, stop and go. Working out just seems like one more thing to try to fit in, so of course, that’s the thing I’ve dropped. The thing that gives me energy, that makes my body feel good, that is for no one but myself, is the thing I am too lazy or too unmotivated to do. When I’m overwhelmed, I simply start to shut down, any free time I have I spend vegging out on the couch, watching television I could care less about and eating though I’m not even hungry. When I go to bed at night, I lay there thinking about everything that I didn’t do that day. I touch my stomach and feel myself getting chubbier. The next day I wake up and do it all over again. I procrastinate some more. I continue to make excuses why I can’t go for a run. I avoid the piles of laundry that have accumulated. I try not to notice all of the burnt out light bulbs all over the house, or the dust bunnies underneath the coffee table.

I so desperately what to break out of this.

Maybe tomorrow.

Yes its one of those generic blogs...

Things I am currently loving (i.e. obsessing over):

Owls. I do not know why, but owls seem to be strangely hip these days, I see all the funky fashion bloggers sporting them and I find them enchanting in a vintage mod kind of way. I absolutely must have these owl earrings and this owl tote. Um, and excuse me, but who doesn’t need delicate owl-shaped french soap? And I’m thinking about having a baby JUST so I can dress him in this delectable little outfit. Cuteness overload, I almost can’t take it.

Dried fruit. Weird, I know, but I can’t get enough of it. I’ve been buying (and thus eating) the stuff by the pound. I love the banana chips the most…and dried apricots…and who knew dried pineapple was so tasty?

Soft crumbly cheeses on salads. If there is anything that will get me to eat more salad, it is topping said salad with mounds of Gorgonzola, feta, or blue cheese. Said mounds of cheese are attributable to so many additional caloric units, but so much added deliciousness!

Lost. Proving this season, once again, to be the most consistently thrilling, entertaining hour of television, week after week. Last week’s episode blew my mind into thousands of tiny pieces. I love that that show can be an edge-of-your-seat time bending adventure one second, and a heart-wrenching love-conquers-all romance the next. Desmond and Penny are the new… I have no idea. Ross and Rachel? No, Desmond is super hot and Penny does not have her own signature haircut. McDreamy and Meredith? No, they’re not doctors… nor are they annoying and whiny. Penny does have daddy issues though, so…

Pointy-toed flats. This is nothing knew, I’ve been wearing them forever, but I just can’t say enough about how fantastic they are. I love that they add a punch of hot to any outfit, without any of the discomfort you get with heals.

Cher Horowitz could very well be Bob Saget’s kids’ mother! That would be awesome. CBS not renewing one of my favorite shows, however, would be devastating. This, on top of the writer’s strike, which horror of horrors pushed me to read books instead of watching TV! What are they trying to do to couch potatoes like myself?

And I think that’s about enough random for today.

Nothing special

I don’t write here very often anymore (that makes it sound like I write somewhere else, which is not the case). This makes me sad, because there’s a reason why I started this site however many years ago. Not only do I love having a journal to look back on as sort of a record of the mundane things I do and the stupid things I worry about, but I also really simply like writing. It helps me sort out what’s important, it helps me notice what’s going on in the world around me, it helps me avoid letting just another Tuesday turn into a day of nothing special. For some reason writing sort of helps me discover little bits of special in those days (please pretend that is not the most horribly corny thing you’ve ever seen in writing). I think its because it honestly forces me to look at life in a totally different way, almost by taking a step back from the constant go-go-go and meditating on it all for a bit. Without some sort of “time-out” for reflection, it’s so easy for life to turn into just one long string of forgettable, insignificant moments. I certainly don’t want to let that happen.

Like yesterday, it was pretty darn ordinary, which is ok, because I like my ordinary, and I’m quite thankful for my ordinary. But there was a lot of good stuff mixed in with the ordinary that doesn’t deserve to be immediately filed away.

I had to get out of the office at lunchtime, because holy crap my job can turn my brain into mush some days, so I went across the street to this great health food place that has the best sandwiches and home-made soups. I haven’t been there since the crabby snarly lady who makes no attempt to hide the fact that she simply hates her job and you, her customer, for making her do it, put mayo on my turkey wrap when I most distinctly requested that she not. I remember that day because I was super stressed at work, and when I got back to my office and saw the massive amount of white junk all over my lunch, I almost started crying. And when I attempted to scrape it off with napkins I had to choke back vomit as I gagged uncontrollably. I ate two bites and threw it away. I really hate mayo. The point of all this is that that specific horrible incident had put me off from H&H café for months, and yesterday I decided to brave the place again after going over and over in my head as to how and when I would say “no mayo” this time. My hope was to greatly minimize the probability that she would forget my special request again this time, and thereby minimize the probability that I would be crying and gagging back in my office 5 minutes later. Anyway, the point of all this is that crabby snarly sandwich lady is gone. I didn’t ask why, but she no longer works there. It was a surprising twist to be sure, she’s been working there for as long as I’ve been eating there, and I’ve been eating there as long as I’ve been working at my job. Four and a half years. Holy crap, I’ve almost been at my job for five years, how is that possible? Ok, let’s not get off topic. Unfortunately I believe that lady may have been holding the place together, because that joint was literally pure chaos yesterday. It seriously was 20 minutes before I had my sandwich, and there were only two people waiting in line at the counter when I walked in. The two ladies working were running all over the place, they had forgotten to order this, ran out of that by 10:30 AM. I left the place very stressed out and just drove to a nearby park with a pond to eat my sandwich in my car. I had planned on eating in, reading a bit, but I just couldn’t be in that madhouse anymore.

As I was eating my lunch in my car, listening to the radio, I noticed that there were all these beautiful geese sitting on the ice in the parking lot, hanging out and looking very cold. Aren’t geese supposed to fly south for the winter, what are they doing here? In the warmer months they are always running all over the place at that park, those geese are one of the reasons why I sometimes go there to eat my lunch, (the other is to absorb some happiness-inducing rays of sunlight which I have to go without throughout most of my work day), but it made me sad to see them all huddled together in the cold and the snow. I started having irrational thoughts about making a run to target to buy blankets and loaves of bread for the poor things. Anyways, maybe I’m crazy, and this is normal goose behavior. I am certainly not an expert. They just really did not look happy. They were not frolicking like they were in September.

Let's get this party started

So I’m already feeling quite unmotivated at work this week, and I’m not even past lunchtime on Monday yet. I think it’s a variety of things, but mostly having to do with the holidays. It’s this sort of restless feeling I get every year around this time, a mix of excitement for a break from the mundane and a little worrying about the fact that time passes much too quickly as you get older. I know, I’m only 26 years old, but I’m already starting to feel like the years are blurring together. Vacations that feel like they were just this past summer actually happened two and a half years ago. Dan and I argue about what we did last Christmas because our holidays together are now part of the routine, not all sparkly and new like they were the year we got engaged, or the first year we were married. Weird how that stuff happens isn’t it? It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I even find some comfort in the safe stability of it all, it’s just that it sort of snuck up on me.

As a whole, I’m really looking forward to it this year. I can’t wait to have my brother home, I really truly miss him on those nights we are sitting around the dinner table at my parents’ house. There’s a noticeable void. And as fantastic as it is that he is in Chicago, doing his own thing, making a life for himself, it’s strange to know that we will probably never have the whole family living in the same city again. Except for the holidays. Therefore we all cherish that time that he is back home with us. There really is just something about having the three of us siblings all together, bickering and laughing, sitting around the dining room table. It’s usually inexcusably loud, irreverent, and sometimes we even say really horrible things to our poor mother (and sometimes she deserves it.) I just can’t wait.

Thus, my lack of motivation here at work. One more week of this, and then its family and friends visiting from out of town, heavy carb-laden food from casserole pans, crazy children running frantically through the house with sugar and present-induced hysteria, long leisurely dinners at my parents, followed by coffee, laughing, and plans for late night movies, waking up early on Christmas morning to join in the fun as Dan’s brothers and sisters discover what Santa brought them this year, and After-Christmas Sale shopping and lunching and all that is in between.

This weekend I watched White Christmas and Home for the Holidays, and I wrapped presents and finished most of my shopping. I am ready for this holiday.

This week is so going to drag.

I rule at Christmas

I am seriously so pleased with myself and my internet shopping abilities. Basically, the internet = awesome, and I have been able to do so much of my shopping online this year that I have almost completely obliterated holiday stress from my life. Kick ass. My favorite sites for fun and different gifts, you ask?

Uncommon Goods
Creative Kidstuff
Etsy
Oh My That's Awesome
See Jane Work
Rare Bird Finds

Check em out. I'm thinking today is pretty much the last day for internet shopping if you want to avoid heavy rush shipping charges.

Anyways, I don't have much else to talk about. I just ate a ridiculous amount of crock pot food and christmas cookies and random snacks, as today was our company's annual potluck holiday lunch thing. I'm stuffed and feeling a bit sick. Also, I have tomorrow off, so that is awesome. I think I will clean like a mad woman and maybe do some gift wrapping (my all time favorite thing about the holidays). And tonight is the last night of class until January 10th. High five! Unfortunately we were assigned one year ago, to have read by tonight, a book I have presently barely touched. So I'm taking the afternoon off to plow through it. My procrastination these days is making me very nostalgic for undergrad. Hey girls - remember when I dropped that Lit class after a near-meltdown the night before a book was to have been read? A book I had not read one single word from? Man, good times. Remember when I hung out and watched movies with my lump of a boyfriend instead of studying for my Macroeconomics exam? Never fear... I'm still the same stupid girl.

Surprisingly though, I'm quite upbeat about it. =)

Just breathe

Ok, I am feeling much better about things, just 4 days later. I got the marketing paper done, and have another due next Thursday that I feel like I have a much better handle on. So I am no longer feeling so spastic and inclined to write annoying "woe-is-me" blogs. I'm much more calm, and hopefully there will be no more random posts out of nowhere about how horrible my life is. Because it isn't. But I guess we all have the right to freak out a bit once and a while right?

So tonight, I finally get to run on the treadmill, which I haven't had time to do all week. A week where I really could have used the endorphins and exercise-high, but there was just no time for it.

Monday - I was too busy with my freakout that you all witnessed.
Tuesday - I ended up staying at work until 8:00, trying to avoid wasting my entire night on a snowfall-induced 3 hour commute.
Wednesday - I had to interview my grandpa for a paper I'm writing about him (due next week).
Thursday - Work, class, wine, sleep. No Time!

Tonight I have to bake cookies for a cookie exchange with some friends tommorrow, and I am so excited! I am a terrible baker, but I love it anyways, and a night in the kitchen with the ipod blasting Christmas music sounds almost perfect.

And hopefully tommorow, out with the girls, I will be able to get some Christmas shopping done, since all we have is a few random things purchased the day after Thanksgiving. Crap. Seriously... what am I going to get for Dan? Argh. Whatever, I'll figure it out, I always do. See how optimistic and cheery I am? A different woman, I swear, from two days ago.

Happy Holidays (this is seriously AWESOME!) I just hate how elf-Dan is so much skinnier than me. Bastard.

I am stressed

Ok. I am "this close" to crying right now. For the last half hour I have been writing about how exhausted and stressed out about school I have been, and how it is impossible for me to enjoy the holiday season, and how sad that makes me because it really is my favorite time of the year, and a whole bunch of other crap. And I just some-how erased it all. ALL OF IT. And all those feelings of relief I had from getting it all off my chest and straightening it all out in my head are GONE, because the words are all GONE. Ugh.

I need to go eat like 14 cookies or something. I think that will make me feel better.

I can't wait until December 14th. This will all be over December 14th. Maybe I should go meditate and chant that knew little mantra. Because god forbid I actually go work on the paper due Thursday.

Dan and I did take an evening last week out of frantically writing up our marketing case studies to put up the tree and decorate for Christmas. Here are a few pictures from the last few weeks. The softness of our decorated living room soothes me... and the first snowfall on Thanksgiving felt like a reminder of better things to come. At least that is something.







She deperately wants to investigate this foreign being...


... and evenutally gives into the temptation.


Finally, she attempts to destroy.