Knew something was coming

So I have a lot on my mind today, mostly due to stuff going on at work. I’m not going to get into too many details, because as most of us know, writing about work on the internet for current and future bosses to read is NOT SMART. All I can say is, I’ve been wondering lately when the ball would drop here at work, with everything that’s going on with the economy, and its pretty safe to say that said ball has dropped. That’s not to say that it’s all in pieces smashed and broken all over the ground. The ball’s just sitting there on the dirty ass floor, rolling around a bit, waiting to get kicked around some more. [Ok, enough with the metaphors right? It’s not even a good metaphor… I’ll stop.]

It’s just that until now, considering these terrible economic conditions we’re living in, with so many people out of work, loosing their homes, and eating into their savings, I had really yet to experience a scary, first-hand impact of the sucky economy. Of course my 401K is down like a bajillion percent, and I’ve essentially lost every single penny I put into it this year plus a whole crap-load more, but I’ve been trying to just roll with the punches with my investments, keeping in mind that they are decidedly long-term, that the economy is cyclical and my retirement fund will live to see another day. Suffice it to say, what my colleagues and I were told today hit quite a bit closer to home than all those red numbers on my 401K statement.

I’ve got a job, and I was recently promoted, so I have so much to be thankful for… that’s just something I need to remember over the next year. That's WAY more than so many people in our country can say.

Also my presidential candidate was elected to office, so I’m hopeful for the future and convinced that his leadership will help us turn this around. Yes we can.

Debbie Downer

I guess Dan caught up on my blog today, and he commented to me that it looks like I've been a real Debbie Downer lately. I seriously had no idea that I was coming off as such a curmudgeon! I've just been trying to put in a little effort lately to actually freaking blog, but it appears that the thoughts/events that inspire my blogging are usually of the negative variety. In the past month I've complained about eating candy to the point of feeling like vomiting, being ugly for Halloween, my cold house, the fact that it is dark so early lately, long and exhausting weeks at work, Dan travelling for work, my fears of fall being over too quickly (which I now see were completely warranted... winter needs to turn its ass back around because I am not ready for it yet!). Now today, it's all about the static cling and how it is ruining my life.

[Update on the static cling issue: I went to Target at lunch and bought a slip, and my world is right again because my skirt doesn't ride up to my crotch when I walk. My self-imposed banishment to my office chair is over. I've been walking to the printer, going to the bathroom all the way at the other end of the building (just for fun), and getting coffee like a mad woman. And it doesn't get much better than printing reports, peeing, and drinking 16 oz cups of watered down coffee. A whole new woman I tell you.]

Anyway, the point is, I am a happy person, no worries guys. Though I may take Dan up on his offer of "finding something to cheer me up". I could always use a new pair of shoes honey. =)

Good morning?

The good: I'm wearing a ridiculously cute outfit today, if I do say so myself. Peachy-orange, green & black floral dress, black cardigan, black tights, 3 inch black booties. My hair is cooperating. I'm drinking coffee.

The bad: Major static cling issues. I'm not kidding, it is insane. My dress rides up the moment I start walking. I've applied lotion all over my thighs & knees (on top of the tights), which usually works. Nada. I have some static cling spray stuff at work, sprayed that crap all over my self, and still no relief. I even grabbed a few fabric softener sheets as I ran out of the house today, and I've basically rubbed them all over my legs and dress to no avail. This sucks. I don't know what else to do. I would have changed before I left for work when I realized the problem, but I was already running about 10 minutes behind, and stressing about getting out the door. It's so bad, I can't even walk to the printer without walking like a hunchback and tugging at my hem.

Tuesdays suck.

Jason Mraz though on Thursday! Twilight on Friday! I just have to make it through this hell.

Home

I'm sitting here on the couch, perusing blogs, uploading pictures to facebook, digesting the homemade macaroni and cheese Dan just made, and I'm thinking to myself, a Friday night spent in my cozy home doing nearly nothing is exactly what I've been needing. I have a really hard time saying "no" to plans with family and friends, always have, which means we're barely ever able to have nights like this on our own on the weekend.

I can't believe its winter already. Seriously, how did that happen? I hate how dark it is at 5:00 PM, it really does a number on my productivity and energy.

So happy hour last night was really fun, I will be forever grateful that we ended up in a graduate program with such amazing and fun people, and I want to make sure we keep up these relationships that somehow formed over two years of group projects and commiserating over shared elevated levels of stress. For all the talk about networking in an MBA program, I think we've been lucky to have made relationships that go beyond that. It's also nice to have more people to drink and gossip with. ;-)

I'm going to go put some socks on, because my feet are freezing in this drafty old house of ours. One of the many joys of owning a house built in 1936. (I complain, but of course I love it.) I love that we have no plans until tomorrow evening, so I can look forward to a lazy morning of VH1 music videos, a pot of coffee, and some more melodramatic vampire love. Oooh, and we have bacon in the freezer, I think we'll have to break that out tomorrow. I can't even describe how much I fricken love bacon, there's a reason why I don't usually buy it.

My god this was random.

My Friday

I'm so ready for the weekend. Thankfully I have tomorrow off, so my weekend is about 20 minutes away from beginning, but, my goodness, this week felt long. Dan was on travel for work again, so its been a bit dull, even though I've kept pretty busy with evening meetings and dinners with family. It's crazy how much easier it is to appreciate something when you have to go without it. It's like we're in this little bubble of a life together, and I take for granted that I get to come home to this wonderful man who's my best friend, roommate, "co-parent" to our dog, and partner in all things. I take for granted that he's always there every night to listen to me complain about work, to make dinner together, to watch The Daily Show while we eat at the coffee table like twenty-two year-olds. I don't know, I just like being with him, which I guess is kind of awesome. But also sorta... well duh!

Crap, I gotta go, we're meeting up with some people from our MBA courses for happy hour downtown, and I was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago. I am so chronically late it's not funny, which I can safely say is one of those things Dan doesn't appreciate about me.

Anyway, happy weekend!

Gross

I feel like I'm going to puke. Here in the office on a Friday afternoon, all alone and bored because my coworkers are a bunch of Friday-work-ditchers, I have eaten an excessive amount of those Bit-O-Honey candies that I've been obsessing over.

And I'm pretty sure my stomach is going to explode.

I wish I had some self control. Blechhh. I wish I could tell 1:00 PM me to not venture into the convenience store for that stupid candy. I hate you 1:00 PM Alicia.

Musings on a lot of random crap

So I’m reading the Twilight series, sometimes referred to as “those melodramatic teen vampire books”, and now that I’m on the third one I’m a little bummed by the fact that all I can picture are the actors from the upcoming movie. Ever since I finished the first one, I have been scouting around on the internet, watching trailers, and devouring the movie’s IMDB listing, and I just can’t get Kristen Stewart or that Harry Potter dude out of my head… and reading isn’t as fun that way. Plus, Edward was way hotter in my imagination. My brother and I were talking about this the other day, and he said he does the same thing. He said he was relieved to have read The Davinci Code before seeing or hearing about the movie… Tom Hanks being such a bizarre casting choice for the role. Maybe that’s why I never finished that one; I tried to read it during post production of the movie and just couldn’t get through it. Or it could have just been all the hype that did it in for me with that damn book.

I’m pretty much always in the middle of reading Pride and Prejudice. I start it, finish it months and months later, and then start it again. I have a problem with all things Jane Austen, I tend to become obsessed. The weird thing is that as I read, I mix up all the actors from the different movie versions of the novel. So Lizzie Bennett is Jennifer Ehle, the chick that played her in the old BBC Miniseries, but Mr. Darcy is the guy from the Keira Knightly version. Jane is also the actress from the new version (because she’s so freaking gorgeous), but the other sisters are from the old one. Mr. Bennett is definitely Donald Sutherland, because I love him, but Mrs. Bennett is that horribly screechy woman from the BBC miniseries. Oh, almost forgot Mr. Bingley. Of course he is the adorable Simon Woods, in my head. God, is anyone still reading this? For your sake I hope not, I am becoming ridiculously rambly.

Lately I’m obsessed with Bit-O-Honey candies, which are little old people candies that we have in our candy dish at home. I can’t stop thinking about them, and have even been eating them for breakfast on my way to work. Just thought I’d throw that in, because it is incredibly random to be freaking out over weird grandparent candy. Ha! I just read that Wikipedia link and have learned that the Bit-O-Honey was voted the Most Appalling Candy at some Kentucky county fair. I guess there are many who do not agree with me that Bit-O-Honey are the bom-diggity. I am in a weird mood... it's my Friday.

Our annual Halloween party is on Saturday and I am super pumped! However… my costume this year is seriously ridiculous and UGLY, and I’m starting to regret it. Like any woman, I like to look cute on Halloween, not slutty cute, but at least pretty. I say this now, as a warning, I will not be pretty on Saturday. Ugh. I wonder if it’s too late to switch costumes. Considering our house is a mess, I have done no shopping for the party, and there are pumpkins to be carved… no, I think I’m committed. Oh well. I hope we at least get laughs if I have to endure being so damn ugly the whole night. Reminds me of when I wore my pig flannel pajamas and pigtails to the bar on Halloween during my freshman year of college. I regretted that the second we stepped into the dance club full of slutty nurses and devils.

Cracking up

I am just loving everything about this fall, the changing colors of the leaves, the green grass, the pumpkins by the side of the road, the mums we bought for our front stoop, even the Halloween candy in the aisles of Target. However, for some reason I am living in this weird funky constant state of fear that it will suddenly be over. It simply always feels like winter is just around the corner, ready to pounce on us poor unsuspecting fools. So every one of those beautiful autumnal days we have, if I’m too busy to really enjoy it I find myself in a state of panic that it might have been the last one, and I just squandered it away. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just enjoy a good thing without questioning it, without thinking about the bigger picture, without being afraid of tomorrow? I must have a sickness.

Speaking of my issues, Dan was away for business earlier this week, and during those three days I had all by myself at home, I sort of felt like I might be cracking up. My feelings on being home alone land on two sides of the for-or-against argument. On one hand, I absolutely love it. Specifically, I love being able to eat cereal for dinner or watch whatever I want on TV, and I love being able to read in bed without getting molested. I like how whatever mess I make is MY mess, so it doesn’t bother me. I can get engrossed in Facebook stalking or reading blogs for hours without someone asking me what I’m doing, what errands we need to run, and what the plans are for dinner. But with the good, come the bad. I am the first to admit that I become SO LAZY when I’m by myself and have no real, concrete plans. No matter what I might have earlier decided I wanted to do with my night, I can’t seem to get my ass out of the house. A lot of the time it’s because I somehow become engrossed in terrible sitcoms on Lifetime (Reba? Really? What is wrong with me?) or West Wing episodes that showed up on the DVR. I have needed blush since Saturday, but I haven’t been able to drag myself to Sephora yet. I was planning on stopping to buy some zucchini the other night on my way home from work, but instead I just kept on driving and made macaroni and cheese at home and vegged out watching 27 Dresses. While I don’t begrudge myself a little vegging out, it really makes me wonder what my life would be like if I actually lived by myself. I’d like to think I would still be an active member of society who leaves her home, but I honestly can’t be sure. Thank God for Dan. Hopefully I never have to find out!

What up?

Judging by my absence from this here blog for (holy crap) more than five months, you’d probably guess, I’ve been a busy girl. Busy finishing up all 6 of my final courses, writing a bajillion papers, graduating with a masters and a perfect 4.0 GPA (I know, I brag), trying to enjoy the summer a bit, attending two fabulously debaucherous bachelorette parties and a Christmas-decor themed shower for one of my bestest friends, standing up for her at a gorgeous wedding ceremony on the lake at this awesome resort, and travelling all over Peru for a total of 11 days during which I was forced to poo in little holes in the ground for a portion of it.

It’s been a crazy, stressful, wonderful, exhilarating five months. And now… I am back to normal, I have my regular old life back and it is pretty damn awesome. Just in time for fall, my favorite season.

So what’s on my mind these days? In no discernable order at all, these are some things I’ve been thinking about:

• Babies. Yup.
• Chai Tea Lattes. They taste like October, I swear to God. Where have I been?
• Boots. I just bought these babies last week, and I think I’m in love. My brother works for Aldo now, which has proven to be very convenient.
• Speaking of shoes, and of course my brother’s discount, these might be next (if I can swing it with the hubs). I think two new pairs of shoes for the fall/winter seasons are respectable enough, no?
• I’ve found a few more good/terrible blogs which make me seethe with annoyance and silent judgment. Those are my favorites, and I feel like a sick masochist for continuing to go back, day after day. I wonder if there’s anyone out there seething with annoyance and silent judgment over my blog. Oh that’s right, I never write anything new here, if any ever existed, they’re likely long gone.
• Meat. Only because last night we took my parents to Fogo de Chão for my dad’s birthday. So. Much. Meat. It was overwhelming, somewhat nauseating, yet at the same time delicious.
• TV. I can watch again, as my evenings are no longer spent reading boring business text books and writing papers! I’m most excited about The Office, Pushing Daisies, Mad Men, and How I Met Your Mother. (Guilty pleasures that I am super embarrassed to be watching: Greys, Private Practice, Lipstick Jungle, and sometimes a little Real World Road Rules Challenge thrown in.)
• The Duchess. Does anyone want to see this movie with me? I know for a fact that Dan is a no-go, and Betsy, this is the mother of all “olden days” movies so I will make an educated guess you’re also not interested. I, on the other hand, am obsessed and giddy about the prospect of forbidden love, arranged marriages, constricting corsets, ridiculous wigs, and Kiera Knightly.
• Antiquing. Bring on the early morning drives to Buffalo, picking up hot coffee on the way, the kitschy vases and standing lamps, the combined smells of cinnamon, barn, and oil based paint, and the stops at the vegetable stand on the way home to stock up on funky gourds, squash, and honey crisp apples. We went last weekend, and I’m thinking about going again this Saturday.

As you can see, most of what’s on my mind these days is either superficial or mundane. But this is the good stuff of life, taking stock and getting enjoyment out of the little things, and I’m so happy to be able to take the time to do it again. I’m bracing myself for more evening walks and happy hours with the girls, reading the paper while downing whole pots of coffee on Sunday mornings, and getting excited about planning out my Halloween costume. Loving it all.

Overwhelmed

I’ve been in a bit of a funk over the last few weeks. I’ll admit it, the combination of school and work and life is really stressing me out. I wake up exhausted every morning, I have to tear myself out of bed and into the shower. Once I’m at work, I’m ok, but I’m constantly thinking about everything that I have to do for school, and the inevitable dread of going home starts around 4:00, because then all I’m thinking about is everything I should try to accomplish that night. The traffic seems worse every day, and I have a terrible headache by the time I get home from 40 minutes of stop and go, stop and go. Working out just seems like one more thing to try to fit in, so of course, that’s the thing I’ve dropped. The thing that gives me energy, that makes my body feel good, that is for no one but myself, is the thing I am too lazy or too unmotivated to do. When I’m overwhelmed, I simply start to shut down, any free time I have I spend vegging out on the couch, watching television I could care less about and eating though I’m not even hungry. When I go to bed at night, I lay there thinking about everything that I didn’t do that day. I touch my stomach and feel myself getting chubbier. The next day I wake up and do it all over again. I procrastinate some more. I continue to make excuses why I can’t go for a run. I avoid the piles of laundry that have accumulated. I try not to notice all of the burnt out light bulbs all over the house, or the dust bunnies underneath the coffee table.

I so desperately what to break out of this.

Maybe tomorrow.