A hump-day meme

Thanks for tagging me with a meme Sara, I feel like one of those cool bloggers now, (don’t worry, I promise I won’t get a big head). I’m actually truly thankful for it, because I wanted to blog today but I was feeling very uninspired. Three cheers for unexpected inspiration!

10 years ago... I was about a month away from turning 14. Hmmm… in June of 1995 I had just graduated from 8th grade and was finally leaving my Catholic school roots! I was excited about heading off to High School the next year, but I was definitely still a huge dork. I had relatively short hair, it was permed, and I scrunched it up with so much gel that it looked wet all the time. Gross. That’s something I wish I didn’t remember.

5 years ago... I had just finished up my first year in college, and I was back at home, trying to catch up with all my high school buddies that I couldn’t imagine not staying in touch with. (Ask me how many of them I talk to still today.) I spent most of my time that summer with my two best friends Lisa and Angela, who are still today, the best friends a girl could ask for. I would do anything for those two, and I know they feel the same. (Love you guys!) Oh, and my hair? God, that year I got a ridiculous haircut that will forever be known as the “Triangle Cut”. Not quite as bad as the gelled wet perm circa 1995, but it comes close. It made my head look huge actually, and I can’t really remember, but I like to think I spent that summer growing it out. Actually, by June, it was probably, for the most part, grown out, but when I think of that year of my life, I can’t get that image out of my head, so it must be worth mentioning.

1 year ago... I was a newlywed! Last summer was crazy, we had about 8 weddings to go to, which meant lots of showers, bachelorette parties, and basically tied up weekends. It was fun though, and I thoroughly enjoyed our first summer living together in our very own house! And because you must be wondering, my hair looked pretty darn good; it was really long and I had recently started highlighting it and spending lots of money getting it done at a fancy salon. Now, however, I’m addicted, and I know my husband wishes I had never started this expensive hair care kick I am on. I firmly believe, and to quote my two favorite radio gals Lori and Julia from FM 107.1, what a woman spends on her hair is ALWAYS justified, and there should be a firm “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy amongst couples as to this cost. It takes a lot of dollars and energy to look as good as we do, so a curt reply of, “You don’t want to know”, when asked how much something hair-related costs should be sufficient.

Note: Ok, I promise I’m done with the hair thing, I won’t talk about it any more in this post. I can’t believe I associate times of my life with how my hair looked, how shallow and vain can you be?

Yesterday... I woke up, as usual watched Buffy on FX while getting myself ready for the day, I drove to work and put in my 9 hours, came home to my snuggly puppy and husband, made dinner, ate dinner, went to Target for some birthday cards and to finally pick up my film (Bets, don’t worry I remember that you have dibs on doubles from the Florida trip), did the Mystic Tan thing in preparation for Kate’s wedding this weekend, brought home ice cream for Dan and I, watched the Lost episode that we taped last week (we never got to watch it this last season, so I was so excited when we caught the first episode in summer re-run, now we’re hooked!), and went to bed around 10:30. I live quite the exciting life.

Today... Well, it’s still mid-morning, so there’s not much to report. I just had an important meeting at work that went well, and my tan is looking fantastic from last night’s session. Also I feel pretty and skinny today, which means it’s going to be a good day! We have a family thing tonight for “June Birthdays” with my in-laws. Yipee.

Tomorrow... More of the same… commute, work, eat, work, commute, eat, laze around the house. I don’t work on Friday though, so tomorrow should be a good day since it is a faux-
Friday. Fridays and faux-Fridays both rock.

5 snacks I enjoy...

1. Salty pretzels, I like to suck the salt off completely before actually consuming.
2. Dan and I are big on the freezies right now (I think they’re actually called Flav-or-ice or something like that). They are only 25 calories and totally hit the spot when you’re craving something sweet.
3. Ice cream cones from McDonalds, which is within walking distance from our house. They are so so so tasty and cheap. For me, summertime = ice cream.
4. French fries. I love French fries so much, but I try not to eat them too much.
5. Angel food cake with strawberries and whipped topping. Yummmm… the perfect summer desert.

5 songs I know all the words to...

I’m going old school on this one, because I am such a music dork and this is the kind of shit I love.

1. “Baby Beluga” by Raffi
2. “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-lot
3. “Cherish” by Madonna
4. “Sometimes” by Britney Spears
5. “Hero” by Mariah Carey

5 things I would do with $100,000,000...

1. Pay off mine and my husband’s stupid cars. I hate having car payments.
2. Buy a whole crap load of designer clothing and shoes. Basically I’d go on a huge shopping spree, in New York City of course.
3. Hire someone to come in and remodel our basement, our kitchen, and our bathroom upstairs. Oh, and landscaping people to tackle our yard, which looks like pure crap. God, it’s going to take forever for us to do all that ourselves.
4. Quit my job. Definitely.
5. Travel, travel, travel.

5 locations I would love to run away to...

1. Cape Cod, Massachusetts
2. New York City, New York
3. Europe, ALL OF IT. I’d really love to go to Spain again, and Italy and Greece and Ireland and Switzerland and England and Germany…
4. Rocky Mountains, Colorado
5. Winona, Minnesota (But that would also require turning back time, because my college town is not as fun without all my old friends being there!)

5 things I like doing...

1. Going to the movies, eating buttery popcorn, the two go hand and hand.
2. Playing board games, especially Pictionary and Guestures. (“Is it a fetus? Epcot Center? Oh, it’s Beauty and the Beast!”)
3. Snuggling
4. Running
5. Primping

5 things I would never wear...

1. An N’SYNC t-shirt and overalls.
2. Those shorts that were in this spring that go down to your knees, how are those flattering on ANYONE?!
3. A scrunchie (I can't say I've never worn one, I did grow up in the 80's, but I can say that I will never wear one AGAIN.)
4. Tapered jeans
5. Matching knit outfits that old ladies wear at the office that for some reason pass off as “Business Casual” attire.

5 recently seen movies I like...

1. “Star Wars. The Revenge of the Sith”
2. "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"
3. “Team America: World Police”
4. “Before Sunrise”
5. “The Notebook”

5 famous people I'd like to meet...

1. Britney Spears. How awesome would it be to meet her, in real life? All that skanky white-trashy-ness face-to-face!
2. Katie Holmes. I would ask her what the hell she is doing with all this Tom Cruise debauchery.
3. Jennifer Aniston. Because she’s beautiful and perfect and I want to be her… or at least get hair-care tips from her.
4. Jared from Subway. I would like to meet him coming out of McDonalds with a Crispy Chicken Sandwich or some Chicken McNuggets, and I would yell and scream and call him a hypocrite. Have you seen that commercial where he’s talking smack about my favorite processed meats?
5. Brad Pitt. So cliché, I know, but who wouldn’t want to see those incredible cheekbones and gorgeous blue eyes up close in person?

5 biggest joys of the moment...

1. 4 day weekends
2. An adorable puppy and husband to greet me coming home from work every day.
3. Finishing painting the second floor of our house COMPLETELY! Yea!
4. Having tan skin, even when it’s fake.
5. The muffins from the cafeteria at work (give me blueberry, lemon poppy seed, banana-nut, I don’t care!) The tops are so delicious and crispy, exactly how a muffin should be.

5 favorite toys...

1. My coffee maker at home, which I’ve just recently actually started to use. It makes much tastier coffee than the stuff I usually buy at work.
2. Big Bumba, my curling iron. I would be lost without it.
3. Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer
4. My credit card… hee!
5. This kind of comes out of nowhere, but my paper/picture cutter thing. It makes scrafting (scrapbooking) a breeze.

Now I’m supposed to tag five other unsuspecting souls with this meme, however, I’m not sure there are 5 bloggers out there that actually read my blog on a regular basis! Well, here goes…

1. Betsy, because you’re my friend, and a faithful reader.
2. Liz, same reason.
3. Erin, because your blog is so cute and if you by chance come here and see this, I think it’s actually likely that you’ll do it.
4. Kelly, because she was my most recent comment from a stranger, and I love those!
5. Sarah, because I like pink and I like shoes. ;)
6. Special Runner-up: Angela, but she has a “secret” blog, and this is just another attempt to nag her into letting us in on the secret.
   

I have no point, really

I’ve had the weirdest day today.

First off, I rear-ended someone this morning on my way into work. And it was totally my fault. I was so being that girl that puts her make-up on in the car during her commute and obviously should not be doing so. The upside was that the people who I hit (while going a whole 3 miles per hour) were literally the nicest people I have ever met. It was a husband and a wife, and when I started to get a little teary and shaky, the wife actually gave me a little hug and told me it was going to be ok, and that this sort of thing happens all the time. There was no damage to their car at all, and my car just has a few scuffs and a bent license plate, so they just went on their merry way and told me to have a good day! No exchange of information, no nothing. Definitely the best accident I’ve ever been in.

When I got to work this morning I had to check in at the front desk, because yesterday, inexplicably, I lost my badge sometime between 7:30 AM when I used it to get into the building, and 8:15 AM when I wanted to go to the drinking fountain, which is on the other side of a door that I cannot get through without my badge. I retraced my steps, over and over again, searched every inch of my desk, even crawled around under it for a while, but the little bugger was no where to be found. I still cannot get over how weird it is that I lost it, in the building, in a matter of 45 minutes (during which I was basically sitting at my desk reading blogs). Anyway, that’s not the point of all this. Because of my lost badge, I had to use a temporary one until they could make me a new one, and I had to get this temporary badge from security at the front desk this morning. Well these two security guys were helping me out, and I got this bizarre feeling that one of them was slyly flirting with me! I wasn’t quite sure though at the time, because it’s been a while and I’m a little off my game. So just about an hour ago I got a call from one of the guys to let me know my badge was ready, and I headed on down there. My suspicions were confirmed when Mr. McFlirty started asking me strange questions about what door I usually use to come into the building, making the point that he hadn’t seen me around, and basically inferring that he would have remembered me if he had seen me before. We chatted for a bit while the other guy got my stuff in order, and then he asked, “What school did you go to?” I told him, and his reply was, “Oh… I knew I should have gone there.” Yup, he actually said that. In just one really ridiculous statement, his flirting went from sly to blatant. I was pretty amused, but had no idea what to say, so I was extremely relieved when the other guy gave me my badge and I was able to get the hell out of there. It’s funny, but I seriously have no idea how to handle that kind of stuff anymore, it has been so long since anyone other than my husband has shown any interest in me.

Oh and for the record, Mr. McFlirty was actually totally hot, not to brag or anything. Screw it, it’s my blog, I can brag if I want. A hot guy thought I was a hot girl. In the words of Ms. Paris “I’m like an American princess” Hilton, “That’s hot.”

I also realized something today that has been plaguing my mind. I don’t usually get coffee from Starbucks because it’s so damn expensive, but sometimes I like to treat myself to a yum vanilla latte, especially on days when I get into car accidents on the way into work. Well anyways, I recently started getting the Grande size instead of my usual Tall, because the Tall just seems so damn small these days, (for those of you who are not familiar with Starbucks Terminology, Tall=Small, Grande=Medium, and Venti=Large), and since then, it seems like my drinks have started to taste like complete ass. Or in other words, they have been way too strong. Well, as I was waiting in line today I had an epiphany. I am such a blonde. It clearly states on the board, and I have always been well aware of the fact, that there is one shot of espresso in Tall lattes, and there are two shots in the Grande and Venti lattes. So duh, a Grande latte is going to be much stronger compared to its smaller or larger counterparts just based on the fact that its ratio of espresso to steamed milk is considerably larger. It’s all a matter of proportion, and you’d think that since I’m a financial analyst, I would be able to figure out something that uses the basic concept of fractions.

In case you’re wondering, this morning I switched it up and ordered a Venti, which I really do not like saying. Ordering a “Venti Nonfat Vanilla Latte” just sounds really weird.

Oh and I have exciting news, I ordered our plane tickets for Costa Rica today! I am so excited; we’re leaving on my birthday, July 29th. I couldn’t ask for a more perfect birthday present: heading out on a tropical vacation with the cutest man in the world AND I will be able to spend the day (and consecutive week!) with one of my very best friends who I have not seen since January!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

I am in a very foul mood for many reasons right now, including, but not limited to…

1. It’s Monday. Need I continue? Ok, just for the heck of it…
2. My office is so f-ing cold, I’m about to call up some maintenance guy and rip him a new one. The hair on my ankles and lower calves (exposed skin due to this morning’s decision to wear capris) is growing at an exponential rate due to the chilliness. I believe New Guy and I are getting it the worst, because the air conditioning vent is right above our cubes. I’m considering bringing a blanket tomorrow, but in order to survive through the afternoon, I might just go sneak a cup of coffee from the “Coffee Club” pot in the kitchen, even though I don’t pay the $5 every two months to belong to this exclusive club. (It’s members have been known to tar and feather non-paying coffee stealers, but that’s a risk I might just have to take.)
3. I was all excited to show off my new haircut this morning at work, but it’s seriously like the frizziest it has been in years due to the humidity. Pisses me off.
4. The super hot and humid weather we’ve been having has caused my skin to break out all over the place around my hairline.
5. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are actually taking their ridiculous charade of a relationship to the next level, and it is getting to the point where it’s not funny anymore. I’m now concerned with Katie’s safety and sanity… those Scientologists put a chip in her head, I’m sure of it.

So due to the fact that I’m such a pissed off mother right now, (and also because I really like making lists), I’m going to list a few things that make me happy. I am TOTALLY a glass-half-full kinda girl. Soooooo… “These are a Few of my Favorite Things” (you’re supposed to sing that part):

---The way Dan’s face lights up when he gets that big mischievous smile going. Sometimes I even think I see a little twinkle in his eye, he’s just too scrumptious for words

---Snuggling last night on the couch watching really bad VH1 television (I think what we were watching was called The 100 Greatest Child Stars, it was awesomely entertaining.)

---Bella’s tiny little hairless puppy potbelly that she so unabashedly flaunts for rubs.

---Reading blogs and AIM away messages in an effort to break up the monotonous day to day corporate boringness that is my job.

---A 6” tuna Subway sandwich on honey oat bread, no cheese, lots of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, green peppers, and cucumbers. Yummmmmm.

---Mystic Tan. Friday was my first foray into self-tanning and I have never felt as attractive as I do now. With my new blonde highlights and golden skin-tone I feel like a genuine California girl. My only complaint would be for that girl at Boss Tanning who told us to “very generously” slather that blocking lotion stuff on our hands and feet, because now it looks like I’ve been tanning wearing gloves and those little tiny socks. Oh well, this is why I did this two weeks before Kate’s wedding, so I can get all the crazy kinks out of the system before the big day.

---My pink Egyptian belly-dancing hip scarf. That thing makes me feel like Beyonce or something, totally bootylicious. I’m telling you, get one, wear it around the house, shake those hips, listen to it go ching-ching-ching, it’s a very liberating feeling to know you have so much power in your hips, you feel all spunky and sexy.

---The new silver stilettos I bought for Kate’s wedding. I don’t know when I’ll ever wear them again, but they are fab and ultra-sexy. Who knew that making a required bridesmaid purchase would be so fun?

---My newest CD purchase, John Legend’s “Get Lifted”. I’m listening to it right now and his voice and the piano are very therapeutic, I’ve almost forgotten about my frizzy hair and greasy face.

---Stealing coffee from the “Coffee Club”. Yup, I did it… shhhh don’t tell.

I have no will power

I decided yesterday to give up Diet Coke, and to focus on getting the recommended intake of 64 ounces of water every day. My husband did this months ago when he realized he was averaging about five of them a day, and since then he has slimmed down considerably (his weight loss cannot be completely contributed to giving up pop and drinking more water, as he’s also been making an effort to eat better and exercise more often, but I think it has definitely been a factor). Now its 11:30 on Tuesday morning, day 2 of my little adventure, and I am about two seconds away from falling asleep at my desk. The exhaustion is over-coming my entire body, my eyelids are heavy and each of my limbs feels weak.

So I decided this cold turkey thing is not going to work, otherwise I will have to just start drinking a ton of coffee. Instead, I’ve decided I will LIMIT my Diet Coke intake, and still focus on the water thing.

Mmmmm… I just took a walk down to the vending machines and this mother tastes so good. What was I thinking? It’s just too tasty, not to mention the fact that my mood and motor skills have visibly improved in the last 15 minutes.

Plus, I just realized another thing that didn’t cross my mind when I made the hasty decision to give up pop all together… that would have had to include one of my favorite-est alcoholic beverages, Captain and Diet Coke! I was obviously not in a sane state of mind yesterday; I attribute it to the fact that it was Monday. I always feel fat and yucky on Mondays, and make ridiculous unattainable goals as a result.

I think I’ll just stick to giving up cigarettes, and since I don’t smoke, it’s a pretty easy feat, and I can still feel good about myself for being so healthy!

Weekend stuff

Here’s a nice little bulleted list of the highs and lows of my weekend, because constructing non run-on sentences and organizing them into paragraphs is not something I’m feeling up to today:

-I tried to surprise Dan with yummy root beer floats after work on Friday, (I spent much of my day off mulling over something sweet to do for him), but then was off running around with my mom and brother when he got home. So when I called and told him I would be home soon, he had already rifled through the refrigerator and freezer and found all of the treats I had bought.

-My mom showed her knack for jinxing us and our puppy’s bladder, AGAIN, when she asked us how Bella was doing with her potty-training. We told her that she had been accident-free for about three weeks, so it was going very well! Sure enough, later that night during my rush to get out of the house I had another unfortunate run-in with a puddle of you-know-what on the kitchen floor. This time I was wearing shoes, which you’d think would be a good thing, but it just meant that I was more prone to slippage on said pee. I managed to catch myself from falling butt-first into the puddle, but I didn’t manage to do it without twisting my ankle and shouting some very unladylike things at the poor dog and the universe as a whole. Yes, I most definitely did call my mom and told her that the subject was officially banned from any of our conversations in the future.

-Went to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants with Liz and Betsy on Friday night. It was quite lovely, just what I was in the mood for, an entertaining adolescent-geared chick flick! It comes from me highly recommended, and I’ve since added Greece to my ever-expanding list of places I need to travel to in my lifetime. Absolutely. Gorgeous.

-Went for drinks after the movie and had a very nice, long-overdue chat with the girls about starting our own little book club, fixing up our homes, bad summer television like “Dancing with the Stars”, and our plans for a tropical vacation next summer with the whole group.

-Found out on Saturday that one of the softball wives is pregnant, which shouldn’t have been surprising since we had known for a while that they were trying, but I find myself incredibly weirded out by the whole situation. Dan and I continue to talk about having babies in the “soon, but not very soon” timeframe. We’ll probably have to define that phrase a little clearer at some point, but for now I find it comforting to just talk about it in a vague, “when we have kids someday” way. However, Kate’s pregnancy kind of reminds me that we can’t stay vague about it forever.

-Through some circumstances which I will not go into because it’s a long, uninteresting story which, upon telling, I get pretty annoyed and worked up about, I ended up spending the majority of my day and evening Saturday and Sunday morning alone at home, with nothing to do and no one to talk to.

-Even though I was pissed and mopey all day, it wasn’t a complete bust. I watched an ABC family movie, (and we all know I love those), I gave myself a pedicure, I ordered Vanity Fair from On Demand since I know Dan will never agree to rent it with me, I did some scrafting (a term circa Winona, MN, 1999 defined as: to scrapbook, or the hobby of creating compilations in scrapbook albums, such as keepsakes, pictures, periodical articles, etc.), I ate my left-over Chinese from Dinner with Angela a few nights before and finished off a package of croutons sitting in our cupboard, I watched the majority of Before Sunrise, one of my favorite movies of all time and was reminded how badly I want to see Before Sunset, and I did some light cleaning here and there throughout the house.

-On Saturday night, my lovely mom, my saving grace, called me and told me she was going to try to get off work early, and suggested we go to a late movie. My first thought was, “Wow, if we go to a movie tonight, I will have watched 5 movies (including the ABC family movie) in the span of just a little over 24 hours, I am officially the laziest loser on the planet.” But I pushed that thought out of my mind because a real live person wanted to hang out with me, and that definitely beat going back to moping for the rest of the night. We saw “The Upside of Anger” at the $2 cheap theatre. I LOVED it.

-I broke the rules and let Bella sleep with me on the bed Saturday night, because I am truly a freak, and was terrified when I came home all alone after midnight to our scary, quiet, dark, creaky house.

-My Girl was on TV on Sunday morning when I was doing my hair and getting ready for the day. I love that movie, but I had to turn it off right before the sad part when Thomas J. dies because I just can’t handle it, and I wasn’t in the mood for a sob-fest.

-On Sunday I tried to break the mope by getting out of the house, so on invite, Bella and I walked to my parents’ house for breakfast at 9:30. I couldn’t shake my bad mood, however, and was all broody and grumpy to my very sweet family. After breakfast, instead of walking directly home, Bella and I kept going, and went for a really nice walk around the lake by our house, it was such a gorgeous day, and at that point I could feel my annoyance with being left alone all day Saturday and Sunday morning lift. The mope was officially gone. I went home and did some yoga and an abs and arms work-out, and did some more scrafting, and when Dan came home around 1:30, I felt great, and I welcomed him home with a smile and a hug, and didn’t even feel compelled to whine and make him feel guilty about the whole mess, which is what I normally would do. (Oh, FYI, it wasn’t anything Dan did, it involved a bunch of our friends and a certain sister-in-law specifically, but I am known to take out my frustrations on him.)

-I talked to my brother on the phone who is traveling with friends in Europe right now, and it was so great to hear from him. I can’t wait until he comes home, and I am outrageously jealous of the fantastic adventure he is on. However, I can’t say I envy the experiences he’s had while in Spain the last few days! Over the last week he has cut up his foot and had to spend some time in a Barcelona hospital getting 10 stitches, his credit card’s have all had a hold put on them on account of suspicious activity (who says using a credit card in Amsterdam, London, and Ireland in the same week is suspicious?), and he had a run-in with some crazy hoteliers during which two of his friends were kicked out at 11:30PM and ended up wandering the streets of a small Spanish town until morning.

For the Graduates...

In honor of high school graduation coming up for lots of 18 year olds all over the country, a local radio station was doing this bit this morning where they listed the top 5 things they wished someone had told them when they graduated from high school.

Here is my top 5 list:

1. I wish someone had told me (and I had understood) how lucky I was to be so young and have so many opportunities ahead of me. Honestly, at the time of your graduation from high school, you literally have the option of doing ANYTHING with your life, the possibilities are endless. Nothing is holding you back but yourself. There’s no full time job, or children, or mortgage keeping you from devoting 100% of your time to searching for what will make your future a happy and successful one. The world is just waiting on you to make your mark, and you alone get to choose how you’re going to make it.
2. I wish someone had told me to see as much of the world as possible while I can. College is the absolute perfect time to travel, but I didn’t do it. Will I ever again get the chance to spend four months in Spain? Not likely. Now there’s a job to think about, a boss who most likely will not be too keen on allowing me to take an extended leave to backpack through Europe for a few months, and a husband who is counting on me for my portion of income to help pay the bills.
3. I wish someone had told me how quickly life moves, and that it’s important to remember to take a moment, once in a while, to take it all in, and appreciate it for what it is, a beautiful, but short journey. Maybe then, I would have taken advantage of every minute I had with my amazing friends in college, remembering to savor every single moment of laughter and joy. Maybe then I wouldn’t have gone to visit my boyfriend in the cities so many of those last weekends we all had together. I was so in love, that I let myself forget how important the people I was living with were to me, and how much I cherished their friendship. I should have realized that Dan and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together, but my time with these wonderful women was fleeting.
4. I wish someone would have told me television is in no way representative of reality. In real life you don’t sit in a coffee shop for hours upon hours with your friends on a daily basis, just like you can’t afford a huge New York apartment on the salaries of a waitress and an often-out-of-work chef. In real life you don’t buy a new dress for every date or special occasion (or a new pair of $400 Manolos for that matter), and there is not enough time or money to meet your girlfriends for lunch every day as well as for every club opening.
5. I wish someone would have told me that a very large portion of your waking life will be spent at work, so choose something that you LOVE to do, because you’re going to be doing a lot of it, for a very very long time.

Pity Party

Yesterday when I wrote about my anniversary I didn’t think I would be writing again until after Sunday, but seriously, you have GOT to hear about my morning. It was the worst one in a really long time.

I have to give you a little back story so you can understand the hell that was this AM. So yesterday my parents went to Chicago to pick up my brother from college for the summer, and they asked Dan and I if we would watch their dog Sheba while they were gone until late tonight (Friday). This is a pretty common occurrence as my parents go out of town all the time (they worship the ground my two brothers walk on, and hence, travel great distances to see them in every single concert, play, and soccer game that they possibly can). Well, ever since we got our own dog, having Sheba over is not the simple favor that it once was. Combine her senility and geriatric issues with the spastic energy radiating from our four month old pup, and it’s a recipe for disaster. Bella literally runs in frantic circles around our little house taunting Sheba, while Sheba stands there and tries to convince her that she is not to be messed with, growling and showing her teeth every time Bella so much as goes near her fuzzy tail. Poor little Bella just wants to play, and poor old Sheba just wants to lie down and sleep. Last night, as you can imagine, was exhausting. When it was time for bed, we had our plan laid out. Last time Sheba was over, we put her and her little bed in our room and shut the door, but she kept us and Bella up barking to get out for more than an hour. This time, we thought, we would just put her bed out in the living room and let her do her thing, and hopefully she wouldn’t mess with Bella, whose kennel is in the adjacent dining room.

Of course Bella’s whole night was a little “off”, and she didn’t understand why this mean old dog got to wander around while she was locked in her kennel for the night, so she whined a little more than usual when we put her into bed. Cut to 3:15 AM, when all hell broke loose. I wake up to Sheba crying and scratching at our bedroom door (this is all on one floor, mind you, our bedroom is adjacent to the living room, which is adjacent to the dining room). I tried to ignore her, but after about 15 minutes, I couldn’t stand it anymore. So I went out there, and she walked to the door to be let out. I tried to be as sneaky as humanly possible, because I desperately did not want to disturb little Bella. Sheba acted like a little biyatch, of course, and wouldn’t come back in when I called her, causing me to make more of a ruckus than I had hoped, and thus stirring Bella from her sweet puppy dreams. She predictably started to bark and cry and just generally freak out. So I got Sheba in as soon as possible, shut the door, and went back to bed, hoping Bella would fall back asleep. Cut to 4:30 AM and Bella is still continuing to go absolutely crazy in her kennel, shaking it, scraping at the little metal gate, and crying, crying, crying. Every time Bella would stop crying, Sheba would start barking, seriously the little bitch was egging her on! I thought my head was going to explode, I was so tired and wanted to get to sleep so badly, but it was literally impossible. Finally Dan and I both stormed out of the bedroom, and took both of them outside. When we brought them back in, we put Bella back in her kennel and Sheba in our room, with the door CLOSED. Cut to 4:55 AM and Bella is still crying, Sheba is wandering around our room (click, click, click go her nails on the wood floor), whining and barking in between Bella’s whining and barking. Dan got up twice I think to seriously curse Sheba out and pick her up and place her in her bed. Around that time we finally got to sleep, only to get up 45 minutes later for work.

Cut to me, exhausted, dragging myself into the shower. Dan is on his way out the door, but looks to check on Sheba outside, who has wandered to the neighbor’s back yard. More cursing out of Sheba from Dan, and he was out of there. I got out of the shower to find Bella running circles around Sheba again, but I tried to get ready as best I could, while at the same time keeping an eye on both dogs. It was almost time for me to leave, but I was rushing around getting Sheba’s things together so I could just drop her off at my parents house on the way to work, that way the two of them didn’t have to deal with each other all day alone. I was running about 15 minutes later than I had hoped, and took Bella out one last time before I was to leave. Well, in my frantic rush, I wasn’t paying much attention and walked right through a puddle of pee on the kitchen floor, getting both my bare foot and the bottom of my pants soaked full of stinky ass dog pee. Grrross. So I cleaned it up, washed off my foot, changed my pants and took the damn dog out. I finally get out the door trying to juggle Sheba’s food and bowls and stupid bed with my purse and makeup (which I was going to try to do in the car). I get outside and of course it’s raining, and I don’t even have a jacket, let alone an umbrella. I load the dog and all her crap into my car and realize I left my stupid office badge on my dresser. So it’s back out in the rain I go, running through the house with my wet shoes. When I finally got out of there, and to my parents house, Sheba had obviously decided that my morning had not been difficult enough, because she was busy running into the street and chasing cars instead of listening to my pleading with her to come inside. When I finally got to work, I was soaking wet, my hair was a ball of frizz, and the bottoms of my too-long pants were sopping from trekking through the wet grass after the dog. I am a mess. I’ve never been so happy its Friday before.

Oh, and yes, we will be telling my parents that Sheba is not allowed any more over-nights at our house, because we require more than 4 hours of sleep.

A little story

It was in high school during my Junior year that one of my best friends Angela started going out with this guy, and we all sort of hung out together in a big group of friends. In October (I think) of our Senior year Angela and her boyfriend broke up, and if I remember correctly, she was pretty devastated. A month or two after the breakup was about the time that I started to become Crazy Stupid Alicia, because it was then that I decided it would be a great idea to develop a little bit of a crush on my best friend’s ex-boyfriend. I hardly remember how the events took place, but somehow I think it started with us having secret conversations through email and note-passing, which led to me finding out that he also had quite a crush on me. So being the naïve and self-absorbed girl that I was, I agreed to go on a date with him. Now mind you, I did not go out on dates with boys. I was scared of boys - - terrified actually. I had no idea what to say to them when we were alone, and I even wrote down notes of things that I could talk to them about if for some reason one decided to call me. I was great in big groups, and would laugh and giggle with my friends, flirt like there’s no tomorrow. But get me alone with a boy, and I became mute girl. So I think I surprised myself the most when I agreed to go out with Angela’s ex-boyfriend. Not only was I breaking girl code, but I was going completely against character.

I didn’t tell anyone about it except my mom, who has no concept of girl-code so of course didn’t see a problem with it at all. I felt so guilty, and when the day came, I REALLY didn’t want to go. I don’t know what I told Angela, but I’m pretty sure it was some sort of lame lie about doing something with my family that night. As you can tell, Crazy Stupid Alicia was a very bad friend. So I had a bit of an outfit crisis, and I believe what I ended up wearing was jeans and an inside-out grey sweatshirt. Classy. I like to think that I purposely tried to dress as “un-attractive” as possible, so as to make him not like me anymore. That way I could get that horrible guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach to go away. He picked me up and of course was dressed wonderfully and looked gorgeous, wearing some cords or Khakis or something, and a button-up shirt. At that point I felt terrible, and wanted to change so badly, but it was too late. So I got in his truck, and we went to the mall.

Why in God’s name would a clandestine couple go to the mall? The mall, by definition, is the epitome of high-school hang-out spots; you are almost guaranteed to run into someone there that you know. Our conversation was awkward, but nice, and I found myself getting more comfortable with him. We even started holding hands at some point. Then we saw them: Emily Anderson and Jenny Wall, two girls from our high school. We had to, of course, stop and talk to them, and the whole experience was my absolute worst nightmare. Emily looked at me like, “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing? You are so caught!” They made one insinuating remark after another, and gave me some very all-knowing smirks and winks. As soon as we got out of there, I knew it was a secret no more. That night we went to his house and watched a movie in his room. He kissed me for the first time, which I could not fully enjoy, because in the back of my head through it all was the fact that I had surely ruined my relationship with one of my very best friends.

I can’t remember if Angela found out before we went on our second date or after, but yes, she of course found out, and unfortunately it wasn’t from me. And yes, I did agree to a second date. However, Crazy Stupid Alicia did not show up on this date, instead the poor young boy had to go see Patch Adams with Evil Guilt-Ridden Alicia. I was so mean. I wouldn’t hold his hand during the movie. I told him immediately after that I was tired and he had to take me home, and hardly said a word the entire drive back. As soon as his truck pulled up into my drive way I jumped out and left, before he could get a chance to kiss me. I avoided him at school, wouldn’t answer his calls, and refused to reply to the notes he passed to me in class. At some point I finally gave him a note that told him that I just couldn’t do it. I might have even said that I didn’t like him that way, even though I did. I broke his heart. Wow, I was a really good person at the age of 17.

Anyways, my relationship with Angela survived, miraculously, on account of her truly forgiving and kind heart. We graduated from high school, best friends, and went on to college together. She stood up for me at my wedding one year ago on Sunday.

What ever happened to that poor boy whose sensitive heart I so easily stomped on back in high school? He forgave me too, and a year ago we were married in the most beautiful ceremony I could have asked for.

I don’t deserve you Dan, but I love you so much, and I cannot imagine my life without you. Happy Anniversary.

Love Bugs SUCK

A few things I learned on my trip to Florida this weekend with my favorite girls:

- The Atlanta airport requires that you jump through flaming hoops, kill a liger with your bare hands (that’s a cross between a lion and a tiger), and desperately rummage every bookstore, newsstand, and food stand for the opportunity to purchase a Pepsi product, if that unfortunately happens to be your beverage of choice. During our hour-long layover in Atlanta, Bets and I went on a 12 mile trek through the airport in search of Mountain Dew and Diet Pepsi, and when we finally found a place that sold them, they didn’t have any cold bottles of Diet Pepsi. Unable to be deterred, I purchased two Diet Pepsi’s in fountain pop form for myself and Angela, unwilling to let the fact that we would have to trek those tipsy mothers onto the plane with us ever enter my mind.

- I have some very resourceful friends, who laugh in the face of travel-induced boredom. Rather than read about Katie Holmes and Tom Hanks’ bizarre and kind of gross new relationship in any one of the many trashy magazines we purchased for the trip, Angela and Betsy decided to play a few very untraditional games of the sleep-over classic, M.A.S.H. Unfortunately Betsy’s future looks pretty grim. She will one day be stricken with an uncontrollable bladder and some serious B-ACNE, and will have to balance the nurturing and feeding of her pet bald eagle with her quest to live a normal life despite her incontinence issues.

- I am a SERIOUS over-packer. My suit-case was three-times the size of those of the majority of my traveling buddies. It was almost laughable. Well, not almost.

- My friend Kate could definitely be misconstrued as a pier-dwelling Floridian hobo. She really fit the part on Saturday afternoon when, in her hung-over state, she retreated from our sun-drenched spot on the beach to underneath the nearby outdoor restaurant’s deck. Being the good friends that we are, we let her sleep under there, curled up in her towel, until we were ready to leave the glorious sun.

- It’s ok to retreat back to your college years for a few days. Saturday evening, after a crazy night of bachelorette partying in downtown Tampa on Friday, we did what we do best. We lounged. We talked (and talked and talked and talked). We watched The Learning Channel and Discover Channel for hours. We ordered Little Caesar’s pizza and ate until we could eat no more. We watched Sex and the City (and crushed after Aiden). We watched Saturday Night Live. Kate made and served us popcorn. We went to bed, and slept in until un-godly hours, sleeping away our vacation. And it was fabulous.

- You really CAN drink too much water. On Saturday morning I woke up with the worst sore throat imaginable, which was probably attributable to the two cigarettes I smoked in my drunken haze the night before. Anyways, I was in hell. So I spent an ungodly amount of money on about 6 cough-drops in the store of the hotel lobby where we were staying the night, and started to just drink water like it was going out of style. During our night of lounging, I believe I drank about 17 big-gulp-sized cups of water over the course of the evening. I made trips to the bathroom about every 10 minutes. And I rationed the cough drops that Kate had found in her medicine cabinet, so I could make it through the night. I think I got up 4 times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. It was ridiculous.

- Angela CAN NOT, however, drink too much Diet Pepsi. She admitted to us this weekend that she eats her cereal in the morning with Diet Pepsi instead of Milk. Yummmm…

- I’m just kidding about that last one, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

- Your theme song does not always actually end up being a song that you like. Kate decided that when reminiscing about this weekend, we have to have a theme song, and every time we here this song, we will think about our little mini-vacation together, and the hilarity that of course ensued. Unfortunately, we ended up with two theme songs that we did not consciously choose. These theme songs chose us because of how much over-play they are getting on pop radio, and the fact that we couldn’t get away from them: Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl” and Akon’s “Lonely”. Both are absolutely HORRIBLE songs, but every time I hear that damn chipmunk singing, or Gwen spelling out B-A-N-A-N-A-S, I will think fondly of my girls, and our time spent in Florida with the palm trees.

- They charge extra for “frozen” margaritas (as opposed to the regular “on-the-rocks” kind). That really pisses me off. While sitting in Tampa’s airport on Sunday waiting for our flight home, we decided to get some Margaritas, to pass the time, and because they are just plain yummy. Well, low and behold, the bill comes, and mine and Liz’s frozen strawberry margaritas were $7.95, and Angela and Betsy’s were only $5.95. That is seriously rage-worthy! I never knew that before! Did you know that? How come no one told me?

- And finally, this weekend I learned that I am the luckiest girl in the world, because I have four of the best friends a girl could ask for. The amount of laughter this weekend was astounding. These girls are the kind of friends who will tell you that you have a zit on your back that needs some cover-up, and will then proceed to cover it for you. They are the kind of friends who will tell you that they prefer the other outfit you had on, even when they know that that’s not what you want to hear, and that you probably won’t even listen to them. I can’t imagine what I did in my life to deserve them, but I got them, and for that I am very thankful.

Puppy School

Our first night at puppy school went very well last night, and Bella met lots of new friends, although I admit she was a bit over-whelmed by it all. Shelties are really shy dogs by nature. They are extremely loving and friendly with their family, and people they know and are comfortable with, but strangers are very scary to them. So the crazy dog lady teacher took that into consideration when working with Bella. She even had us all sit in a circle near the end of the class and pass around each family’s dog to snuggle and hold, specifically stating that we had a very timid puppy in the group and this would be very good for her.

I found myself praying that Bella wouldn’t be the dog that peed all over the floor, or barked uncontrollably while crazy dog lady teacher was talking, or got too rough with another dog, causing them yelp in fear and pain. It was almost like I could relate to that young mother of a new born sitting in a quiet church service, or at a wedding reception during the father-of-the-bride speech, hoping and wishing with all her might that her baby would stay quiet and not call attention to what she’s sure are her poor parenting skills. I didn’t want to be the one with the bad puppy. I didn’t want to be THAT dog owner, the one that all the other dog moms and dads scoffed at.

Of course there was one know-it-all in the group. She nodded along in agreement with EVERYTHING the crazy dog lady teacher said (in that really annoyingly arrogant “I totally know all of this and could be teaching this class myself” way). We all had to go around the group and say our names and the names of our puppies, and why we were taking the class. I, predictably, nudged Dan when it was our turn because I absolutely HATE talking in front of big groups like that, and I hate, even more, doing those horrible “ice-breaker” introductions. Anyways, the know-it-all girl went on and on about why they were taking the class and it almost sounded like she was repeating word-for-word something she had read in a book. And her husband was really ugly, he had this huge mouth and gangly weird smile. So there. I win. She may know more about training a puppy, but I have a hot husband. Ha.