Welp. This is a bit awkward, and knowing that Dan's GRANDMA periodically checks in here, (a number of our family members actually), I won't go into too many details. But suffice it to say, there was a bit of a mishap situation thingy, and I know exactly when/where/how this little bundle came to be. (!)
And so while that part of the story made for some excitement and shock and "NO WAY. SERIOUSLY?!" at the beginning of this journey (ugh - The Bachelor has ruined that word), we are so very happy and this baby is very much wanted and loved already.
We had been grappling with the decision to have a 3rd child for quite a while now, and as a couple we continued for many months to have the same conversation over and over again. A conversation that always ended the same. Indecision. Mutual promises to talk about this again soon. "It's only going to get more difficult the longer we put it off…"
So what I think we needed was a little divine intervention, and suffices it to say, that's what we got.
How did we tell people?
Oh goodness I just blurted it, a number of times. I wonder if it was because it was a surprise, but I seriously just felt itchy to get it off my chest. Maybe I needed more people to know so they could help me get used to the idea? Maybe I just needed to keep saying it so it would become real? I blurted it first to my friend Betsy because I just had to tell someone, and because I took a test on a Thursday on my lunch break, I couldn't tell Dan yet. You can't tell your husband something like that over the phone or in an email. Well Betsy lives in Chicago, so my thinking was that ultimately I wouldn't be able to tell her in person anyway… so immediately when I got back to my office I sent her a message and we emailed back and forth all afternoon going through the details. Freaking out a bit, calculating due dates, thinking about what this all means.
Once Dan was in the know (Chinese take-out, pregnancy test, I alluded to that story already) we couldn't help ourselves. The next evening we had dinner with my parents and brother and sister-in-law, and after dinner when we were playing in the backyard with the kids, my mom made another one of her innocuous comments about giving them another grandchild (I'm sure she said granddaughter actually) and I blurted it out. Well. I’m pregnant so… you can cut it out with the NEED MORE GRANDCHILDREN pressure. ;) The first thing she said was, "AHHHH! Surprises
are almost always GIRLS!" (Sigh.)
Dan's parents were out of town that weekend, but that Sunday evening we were all over at his grandparent's house for ice cream and Dan blurted it this time, because I was starting to feel weird about it. We had never told people so early, not even our parents, so it was making me nervous, like we were going to jinx things. But I do think both of us were just feeling so surprised and shocked by this whole development that we needed to share the surprise and shock with everyone around us. The next day, Monday, I told Lisa after Zumba and she squealed and was so excited just as I knew she would be because she is 10 weeks ahead of me and now we are pregnant TOGETHER! This is oh-so-exciting and one of those huge life things that I'm pretty sure we discussed and planned to do together as grade-schoolers. And here we are!
That Wednesday evening I took the boys to Dan's softball games after work and my sister-in-law was there with my nephews… so I told her. In fact, I remember my exact words, because they were so eloquent… "So did Dan tell John yet? I'm freaking pregnant, how crazy is that?" And do you know what she said?
"Ummm, ME TOO!"
Come to find out, she's about a week and a half ahead of me, due with her FOURTH, and I just could not even believe it. Shocked. Mind blown a second time within a week.
What are the chances we're both having another boy, bringing the headcount between our two families to SEVEN? That's more than half a soccer team!
How the big brothers are doing
Oh goodness, those sweet boys of ours are so excited. They talk about the baby constantly, especially as my belly continues to grow at an epic (scary) pace. I think Louie is definitely more in the "tentatively excited" camp, he certainly doesn't understand quite as well as Gus what is going on.
Gus, however, is just jubilant, proud, excited, and very engaged in the whole thing, and this has been the best part so far of being pregnant with older kids.
We broke out all the new baby children's books and have been reading them non-stop, by request. Gus is extremely interested in one particular book that shows how the baby is growing in the belly, and talks about the different stages of fetal development, going all the way back to the ole sperm and egg situation. He is fascinated, and has told me on a number of occasions that the baby already has fingernails, and a really big head, something the book calls out at 12 weeks.
Louie mostly has just ruminated over how he has to stop having "night night" soon, before the baby is born, which will be after Christmas, and after his birthday. (Due date: February 20, 2015) Yes, as of about 4 days ago we were still nursing at 2.5 years old, only at bedtime/nap-time as it was part of a very set-in-stone routine. I finally just bit the bullet and cut him off completely this weekend. I've been ready to be done for a while now, but he was so attached to it, and it wasn't really hurting anything, so I just did what I usually do when I am dreading some sort of change or transition. I put it off. But finally this weekend I hit a wall, and it just started to really eek me out. Like made my skin crawl, which I knew meant it had to be over. And much to my surprise, it was really easy. Bedtime and nap-time when they involve me are a little more drawn out now, because I've messed with our routine, but he hasn’t been angry. He hasn’t been sad. He's been sort of matter of fact about it. Baby Nubs is going to be here after his birthday and so we need to stop. He pretty much said, "No more? Okay mom, let's just snuggle in the rocking chair."
Oh yeah, Baby Nubs. Up until about a week ago, both boys have called the baby "Nubs" which I’m told is the name of the baby rhinoceros from an episode of Wild Kratts. It has definitely stuck, even Dan and I refer to the baby as "Nubs". Then last week Gus announced in the car on the way home from daycare that, and I quote, "I’m going to name the baby Sweetie now, I decided Nubs isn't the perfect name, but Sweetie is." Okay then.
Gus is convinced it's a girl, there is no discussion of it. He always refers to the baby as her or she, and if we remind him that it could be a boy he says, "No, it’s a girl." My sister-in-law Michelle was having a conversation with him on Sunday evening and said, "What if it's a baby brother? That would be fun too, right?" He responded matter of factly, "It's not. It's going to be a girl."
Will we find out?
The good news is, we are FOR SURE finding out at the big 20-week ultrasound, so he'll have some time to get used to the disappointment if we do find out we're having another boy. Of course, I would love to have a little girl, LOVE. There's no question, and I'm not going to dance around it. But what's done is done, what is will be… and right now we are just planning for another baby. I don’t even think about the baby as a boy or girl right now, I mostly think about the fact that we will have THREE KIDS. Ha. And when I talk about the baby, I find myself saying he, though I doubt that means anything. Still, I haven't even allowed myself to think about names yet, and I don't even have a desire to do so until we know. There is plenty of time for those inevitable spirited marital debates, and I'm not really a fan of decidedly choosing a name ahead of time, or anyone other than the two of us knowing the chosen name. I like having the ability to change my mind (as many times as I please), and frankly I don't want anyone's opinion on the matter, so there you go. We will find out, but the name will come later.
How I’ve been feeling
I am feeling much better. I will be 15 weeks on Friday, and I can tell the worst of it is behind me. The first trimester was definitely no fun, but I can't complain too much. There was only one bout of the pukes (while brushing my teeth – classic) but lots of nausea. Mornings and late evenings have been the worst, and an empty stomach is sure to give me the dry-heaves/shakes. I've been eating breakfast almost immediately upon getting up in the morning, when I'm normally an on-the-way-to-work breakfast eater, because I literally could not get through mine or the kids' morning routines without eating right away. And by the end of the evening, still, I'm just spent, and sort of crabby to my poor husband, and ready to just please let this day be over. Lame, I know.
Other first trimester woes have included that pregnant lady tin-mouth phenomenon (blech), bloat, round ligament pain when I accidentally and quickly use my ab muscles, and decidedly huge boobs already (rage).
What I've been eating
Aversions so far have been random: buttered wheat toast, hazelnut coffee, almond milk in my coffee, anything that leaves a sweet after-taste (gross), ice cream (tummy aches), watermelon for some reason always ends badly even though it tastes wonderful as I'm eating it, and finally just over-eating makes BAD THINGS HAPPEN (there was a particular incident that involved the over-consumption of guacamole and tortilla chips at the beginning of date-night out that essentially served to end said date night about 3 hours early)
Cravings: coffee with cream, eggs, pizza, potatoes, guacamole (despite the incident), apples and peanut butter, and strawberry or raspberry greek yogurt
Nausea-fighting edibles: mints, sunflower seeds, and lime-flavored sparkling water (OMG so good)
What I’ve been wearing
I just broke out the three boxes of maternity clothes yesterday, and promptly went through and got rid of two boxes. (So ugly, did I really wear those things?) Work has been particularly difficult to dress for over the last month or so, because no one there knew, so I was dressing in my regular clothes while trying to be discreet. Many a big bulky sweater was worn mid-July through mid-August, which is just ridiculous.
I feel like I look REALLY pregnant this time around, and it's somewhat unnerving, and it's not my favorite. I never really lost all of the tummy stuff after having Louie, so I'm guessing that's just it, combined with the whole 3rd baby thing, it's just way OUT THERE right away. I have finally just decided to embrace the belly at this point and roll with it, even if I feel like it is bigger than an almost-15 week belly should be. I've only gained about 3.5 lbs, which I don't think is terrible. Eh. It's all pretty typical insecurity stuff, probably shouldn't even attribute it to pregnancy because I am crazy in real life about body image stuff. I just have to buy a few new things that make me feel good and I'm sure I'll get out of this funk.
What’s on the “To Do” list?
- Get Louie transitioned out of his crib (he is nearly 2 years, 9 months, so it's not like we're pushing this on him!)
- Operation bunk bed/shared room
- Potty Training (in italics because Louie is hard core pushing back on this one, and letting us know in very clear ways that he is not ready, but I really hope he changes his tune on this one sooner than later)
- Lots of things hinging on the pink or blue news: Pink will mean I am definitely updating the nursery a bit, to infuse some major girliness into this home that has been over-run with all things superhero/dinosaur/things with wheels for going on five years now. Pink would also mean I could go through my (approximately) 8 tubs of baby clothes and shoes, etc. and get rid of everything but the "special" stuff that will be saved for Gus and Louie's wives someday. Blue would mean I could start organizing, planning, tailoring, and still could get rid of some of the stuff that I have never been very fond of. I have so much boy stuff at this point that I am only keeping things I love and am sure to put on my 3rd and final child.
- Names. Again, not even thinking about this until we know.
- I think I’m going to get bangs again, and get highlights. This is completely unrelated to baby, but it's on my list.
- Solidify childcare situation for next year. I've talked to my daycare provider, i.e. SHE KNOWS and the discussion will be happening at some point in the future as to how we will do this, how we can make this work. (There were FOUR babies born at our daycare in the last 5 months, so there are considerations being made for those babies, and now our baby has become another factor in the daycare under-2 numbers game.)
- Decide where we're sending Gus to school. Again, not tied directly to baby but this decision has huge implications for my work schedule, childcare situation, and all of our lives starting September 2015. And to say I am having an easy time with it would be a lie. It stresses me out like crazy.
- Finish work on our breezeway/porch. I am desperate to make this happen, even though I am not the one doing the work. We need this space in our home, I need to get some of my living room back from the TOYS. This has to happen this year.
So there it is. All of my pregnancy-brain ramblings. (You asked for it, girl!)