Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Day Before Thanksgiving

These past few weeks have not been super awesome.  It all started when Gus got some sort of strange flu virus or something a few Saturdays ago.  That morning we had driven up to Dan's grandparents' home north of Brainerd to spend the day and have a Thanksgiving meal.  It wasn't until we got there that he started complaining of body aches, stomach pain, and then he proceeded to spend the entire day loafing on the couch, taking naps, acting sad, eating nothing, and generally being very much not himself.  Poor guy.  We never took his temperature but he seemed a little warm so I'm guessing he had a slight fever.  The next day he seemed a lot better so we went on with our day as planned, we had a family member's Confirmation at church to go to, and then lunch at Dan's brother's afterwards.  Gus would have been devastated to miss out on going to his "best friend Lucas's house", so we were really glad he seemed better.  That day he ate next to nothing and was still not 100%, though a little more himself, but then Monday morning he woke up barely able to function again, and then had a random puking spell after gagging on Tylenol.  (Are my kids the only ones that truly refuse to allow me to get that stuff down their throats without it coming back up?)  So of course I kept him home from preschool which meant Louie would have to miss ECFE and then the next day we kept them both home from daycare after Gus had a strange bout of "tummy issues" in the middle of the night.  


So a super screwed up weekend and beginning of the week for sure, and then about a week later, this past Sunday, I ended up with whatever he had.  I thought it was more of my pregnancy drama at first, but yup.  The next morning it took every single ounce of energy and willpower I could muster to get us out of the house and get Gus to preschool, on the way to which I called Dan tearfully begging him to come home if he was at all able because I didn't know how I was going to survive the day.  Four days later and I'm still suffering from whatever this is.  And it just... sucks.  I feel nauseous and light-headed when I don't eat, and sick to my stomach when I do.  It feels vaguely like I'm in the first trimester again, with a few other fun symptoms thrown in there.  Yaaaaay!

I made it all day at work yesterday, definitely rallied somehow, but today was just not good.  I called it after an hour and a half in the office and came home to rest while I could with the boys still at daycare.  Thank goodness for daycare, truly the bright spot in a sick working parent's life. 

All this to say that I am tooootally in a "woe is me" frame of mind and I can't quite remember what it feels like to feel normal and on top of it all I'm also just feeling so dang pregnant all I can think about is that day in the future when I no longer have to be pregnant again.  But you guys, that is sooooo far away!  February 20th?  Are you kidding me?  I am ready now.  Yesterday.  I moped around the house a few nights ago nagging Dan, "Never again!  I am never letting you do this to me again, I am DONE being pregnant."  

Talk about dramatic.  

I think I can, I think I can.

Last night I had very vivid dreams of being in labor, being at the hospital, and it was so real and entirely unnerving because I woke up nervous, thinking maybe I really am in labor, and this is way too soon obviously, so I sat in bed waiting to see if the contractions came back.  I walked around a little bit, went to the bathroom.  No.  Just a dream.  It felt SO REAL though.  

Hilariously, in my dream, everyone and their mother was at the hospital with me while I was laboring and getting ready to push. Both my parents and both of my in-laws, friends, random acquaintances, just... like everyone.  All there for the big show, it seemed.  Ha... no thank you.  

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and then this weekend we're cutting down our tree and decorating the house and doing all that fun stuff, so I'm really hoping Dan and Louie don't go down per the schedule that this bug has seemed to have.  It feels a bit like a ticking time-bomb but I really am thankful that Dan and I haven't both been sick at the same time because there is no worse hell than both parents being down for the count.  

Other exciting things have been happening though, most notably... we potty trained Louie!  Well, sort of.  The number 2 thing is still not happening where it should be happening and that has made for some fun times, but really, he has just done so well and it didn't take him very long to catch on, and he was telling us he had to go and running to the potty on like day 3-4.  Kind of amazing.  He's stayed dry all day at daycare the past few weeks and the only accidents have, like I said, been of the other variety.  (So gross.)  It will come in time.  Oh, and for the record, potty training is just as fun as I remembered!  ;)

This past Friday we had my parents and my brother and his family over for dinner (realllly hoping I didn't infect them all before I knew I was sick...) and we watched Return of the Jedi with the boys.  We watched the original Start Wars (Episode IV) a few months back when Nathan was in town and it's pretty evident Gus is on track to grow up to be a big Star Wars/comic book nerd like both of my brothers.  That stuff is sooooo not in Dan's wheel-house, certainly more in mine, and it has been just a joy experiencing it all with him for the first time, and kind of fun and nostalgic for my brothers to be a part of it too.  Louie, of course, is definitely too young for this stuff, but he picks up on things very quickly and wants to do everything his big brother does.  It is hilarious to hear him talking non-stop about his love for Chewbacca.  

We spent the day at home on Saturday, and in the afternoon, before we were off to a movie with a big group of our friends (and a sleepover for the kids at my parents!), my friend Lisa came over to take photos of us for our Christmas cards.  Magically, Satruday was like a bright spot of a warm day in what has been just frigidly cold weather for the past few weeks, so we were able to take a few outside.  They turned out really great, it was a very casual thing, a "no pressure, all we need is ONE picture!" kind of deal, but she took some gems and the boys were pretty cooperative (i.e. bribed with skittles).   Here are some of my favorites:

Could these children get any cuter? (Louie doesn't usually wear gloves, he very much does not seem to know what to do with his hands in these photos, and it is making me giggle.)

Happy Thanksgiving!  I am thankful for these boys of mine and this baby girl I am so fortunate to be carrying.  I don't often acknowledge how truly grateful I am for this gift, because it's been hard, and if I'm really honest, not super fun to be pregnant.  But worth it?  For sure.  And do I know how lucky I am to get to be a mom all over again for another little one?  For sure.  I am thankful for the most incredibly patient and loving and giving partner to do this with, he has been so kind and caring with me over the last few days (months) when I've certainly not been a peach to be around, and he's taken over all of the heavy lifting of parenting and cooking and just in general has been willing to play the role of the level-headed parent that we all needed in this household while I've been on a bit of a crazy train.

And gosh darn it I am so thankful for Thanksgiving dinner, which I want so badly to enjoy tomorrow, so cross your fingers that this day of rest is all I really need to kick this thing and be able to enjoy stuffing my face tomorrow with the most delicious of foods.     

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Neurotic Pregnant Lady

I have just been amazed (and a little unnerved) with this pregnancy how enormous I've been, practically from day one.  I even lost a little weight right away which I attribute to the fact that I quite suddenly had to give up my nightly (large) glass of red wine and then overall that food itself sort of sucked there in the beginning amidst the nausea and general yuckiness.  Still, the belly was prominent very early on and has continued to grow quickly every since.  I've had that urge to tell people I'm further along than I am, and I just have felt awkwardly large.  I often find myself wearing clothing that will minimize the belly which was soooo not my M.O. in my prior pregnancies.  While pregnant with Gus and Louie I was more concerned with dressing to proudly display the belly, ensuring that everyone around me knew I was decidedly pregnant and not just indulging in too many Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. (Oh the lingering Halloween candy is killing me this time around.)

But I think the gestational weeks are finally catching up with the actual belly.  I realized today at work that I was wearing an outfit that I know I was wearing in one of the weekly pictures I took with my first pregnancy.  (I have taken ZERO "official" weekly pictures this time around, which is so cliche for a third pregnancy, I know.)

So I went back and found that picture.  Behold, 29 weeks with Gus:

29 weeks

And today, 26 weeks:  (Okay, on Friday I'll be 26 weeks, I still can't help it!  Always rounding up!)

 26 weeks with baby nubs

(It's a little blurry and not at all framed appropriately for a good comparison because I heard someone coming and didn't want to get caught by a co-worker taking bathroom selfies.  So this is the one and only quick one I took.)

I think i will just wear black the rest of this pregnancy, because I'm not THAT huge, right?! 

Yeah so 26 weeks.  (Almost.)  We are really moving along here and I can say definitively that this has been the most difficult pregnancy so far.  I shouldn't say difficult, things are going just fine, it's just that I'm experiencing a lot of not-so-fun symptoms that I don't remember being so prevalent at this point in my prior pregnancies.  I am so darn tired, all the time, and I keep waiting to feel "normal" again in that area.  The boys are both sleeping great, I'm getting a solid 7-8 hours a night which is more sleep than I've gotten in years, and yet?  So exhausted.  I don't know why I would expect anything different, because really.  I'm pregnant, working and commuting 3 days a week, I have two busy, active boys running around my house, and we're officially potty training one of them.  Life is exhausting and that's okay.  Naps and movie nights all around!

More frustrating though is that the list of foods that make me feel "not right" just keep adding up.  I've sworn off greek yogurt, ice cream, and as of late I'm thinking I need to stop with the cereal because I always regret it later.  Dairy tends to give me epic heartburn, in fact just eating too quickly or too much at one time gives me heartburn.  It is so depressing to only be able to eat ONE taco.  I am sooooo not a one taco kind of girl, but I have started forcing myself to be one because I'm just done and out-of-commission the rest of the evening when I push it past that.  I made meat loaf and homemade potato wedges this weekend for dinner and then just proceeded to have the worst heartburn I've ever had the rest of the evening.  I went to bed early Friday night just so I didn't have to suffer anymore.

I am just sort of over it, and I know feeling that way this early on is dangerous, but whatever.  I'm over feeling like such a high-maintenance wife and person.  I'm sick of myself and my complaining so I can't imagine how Dan is feeling.

I hate to paint such a bummer picture because I think it's coming out worse than it is.  Things are good.  I just love food so much, so having so much drama caused by food is a big old bummer for someone like me.  And trying to find meals that work for me, and for my picky children, well it can be challenging.  I cook things that I think will sit well with me, and then the kids don't eat it.  I cook dinners that I know they will eat, but then I end up feeling sick the rest of the night.  I think the whole family would be happier if I just allowed myself and the kids a little grace when it comes to what we eat until this pregnancy is over.  When I really stop to consider it, I know it's one of those things that just doesn't matter all that much.

Baby nubs is moving around so much now and it is as cool as it ever was before.  That part of pregnancy is always going to be a delight, and such a privilege.  Gus has been able to feel her move a few times and his big old wondrous eyes looking up at me the first time were just, unforgettable. That moment... magical.  Huge smiles.  "Why is she kicking me, mom?"

Last night he put his ear up to my belly and was trying to listen for her.  I told him that she can't talk or even cry in there, so he won't be able to hear anything, but that she has ears just like he does and she can hear him.  He loved that, and started rubbing the belly and saying hello and talking baby talk to her.  Unbearably sweet. 

Louie asks every once in a while when she's going to "pop out" and the answer is always the same.  "After Christmas, after your birthday, when it's really really cold."  I think he likes to just check in on the topic.  Make sure nothing has changed.  I don't think he wants to be surprised by her arrival. 

I overheard Gus and his cousin Abby talking the other day about their baby sisters.  We don't know for sure yet that Heidi's baby will be a sister for Abby, but Abby is sure.  Well these two, such little sweat hearts, were marveling over the excitement of their impeding baby sisters the other day at grandma's house.  Gus told Abby that his sister's name would be "Lady" and she told him her's was "Cake-Cake" and they both agreed that the other's chosen name was "soooooooo cute!"

Three new cousins this winter and spring in Dan's family, plus Lisa's baby will be here about a month from now!  It's all too much, I am so excited to meet these children and find out who they are.  Who they will be.  How they will fit in this big extended family of ours.