Neurotic Pregnant Lady

I have just been amazed (and a little unnerved) with this pregnancy how enormous I've been, practically from day one.  I even lost a little weight right away which I attribute to the fact that I quite suddenly had to give up my nightly (large) glass of red wine and then overall that food itself sort of sucked there in the beginning amidst the nausea and general yuckiness.  Still, the belly was prominent very early on and has continued to grow quickly every since.  I've had that urge to tell people I'm further along than I am, and I just have felt awkwardly large.  I often find myself wearing clothing that will minimize the belly which was soooo not my M.O. in my prior pregnancies.  While pregnant with Gus and Louie I was more concerned with dressing to proudly display the belly, ensuring that everyone around me knew I was decidedly pregnant and not just indulging in too many Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. (Oh the lingering Halloween candy is killing me this time around.)

But I think the gestational weeks are finally catching up with the actual belly.  I realized today at work that I was wearing an outfit that I know I was wearing in one of the weekly pictures I took with my first pregnancy.  (I have taken ZERO "official" weekly pictures this time around, which is so cliche for a third pregnancy, I know.)

So I went back and found that picture.  Behold, 29 weeks with Gus:



And today, 26 weeks:  (Okay, on Friday I'll be 26 weeks, I still can't help it!  Always rounding up!)

 

(It's a little blurry and not at all framed appropriately for a good comparison because I heard someone coming and didn't want to get caught by a co-worker taking bathroom selfies.  So this is the one and only quick one I took.)

I think i will just wear black the rest of this pregnancy, because I'm not THAT huge, right?! 

Yeah so 26 weeks.  (Almost.)  We are really moving along here and I can say definitively that this has been the most difficult pregnancy so far.  I shouldn't say difficult, things are going just fine, it's just that I'm experiencing a lot of not-so-fun symptoms that I don't remember being so prevalent at this point in my prior pregnancies.  I am so darn tired, all the time, and I keep waiting to feel "normal" again in that area.  The boys are both sleeping great, I'm getting a solid 7-8 hours a night which is more sleep than I've gotten in years, and yet?  So exhausted.  I don't know why I would expect anything different, because really.  I'm pregnant, working and commuting 3 days a week, I have two busy, active boys running around my house, and we're officially potty training one of them.  Life is exhausting and that's okay.  Naps and movie nights all around!

More frustrating though is that the list of foods that make me feel "not right" just keep adding up.  I've sworn off greek yogurt, ice cream, and as of late I'm thinking I need to stop with the cereal because I always regret it later.  Dairy tends to give me epic heartburn, in fact just eating too quickly or too much at one time gives me heartburn.  It is so depressing to only be able to eat ONE taco.  I am sooooo not a one taco kind of girl, but I have started forcing myself to be one because I'm just done and out-of-commission the rest of the evening when I push it past that.  I made meat loaf and homemade potato wedges this weekend for dinner and then just proceeded to have the worst heartburn I've ever had the rest of the evening.  I went to bed early Friday night just so I didn't have to suffer anymore.

I am just sort of over it, and I know feeling that way this early on is dangerous, but whatever.  I'm over feeling like such a high-maintenance wife and person.  I'm sick of myself and my complaining so I can't imagine how Dan is feeling.

I hate to paint such a bummer picture because I think it's coming out worse than it is.  Things are good.  I just love food so much, so having so much drama caused by food is a big old bummer for someone like me.  And trying to find meals that work for me, and for my picky children, well it can be challenging.  I cook things that I think will sit well with me, and then the kids don't eat it.  I cook dinners that I know they will eat, but then I end up feeling sick the rest of the night.  I think the whole family would be happier if I just allowed myself and the kids a little grace when it comes to what we eat until this pregnancy is over.  When I really stop to consider it, I know it's one of those things that just doesn't matter all that much.

Baby nubs is moving around so much now and it is as cool as it ever was before.  That part of pregnancy is always going to be a delight, and such a privilege.  Gus has been able to feel her move a few times and his big old wondrous eyes looking up at me the first time were just, unforgettable. That moment... magical.  Huge smiles.  "Why is she kicking me, mom?"

Last night he put his ear up to my belly and was trying to listen for her.  I told him that she can't talk or even cry in there, so he won't be able to hear anything, but that she has ears just like he does and she can hear him.  He loved that, and started rubbing the belly and saying hello and talking baby talk to her.  Unbearably sweet. 

Louie asks every once in a while when she's going to "pop out" and the answer is always the same.  "After Christmas, after your birthday, when it's really really cold."  I think he likes to just check in on the topic.  Make sure nothing has changed.  I don't think he wants to be surprised by her arrival. 

I overheard Gus and his cousin Abby talking the other day about their baby sisters.  We don't know for sure yet that Heidi's baby will be a sister for Abby, but Abby is sure.  Well these two, such little sweat hearts, were marveling over the excitement of their impeding baby sisters the other day at grandma's house.  Gus told Abby that his sister's name would be "Lady" and she told him her's was "Cake-Cake" and they both agreed that the other's chosen name was "soooooooo cute!"

Three new cousins this winter and spring in Dan's family, plus Lisa's baby will be here about a month from now!  It's all too much, I am so excited to meet these children and find out who they are.  Who they will be.  How they will fit in this big extended family of ours.