Thursday, October 23, 2008

Cracking up

I am just loving everything about this fall, the changing colors of the leaves, the green grass, the pumpkins by the side of the road, the mums we bought for our front stoop, even the Halloween candy in the aisles of Target. However, for some reason I am living in this weird funky constant state of fear that it will suddenly be over. It simply always feels like winter is just around the corner, ready to pounce on us poor unsuspecting fools. So every one of those beautiful autumnal days we have, if I’m too busy to really enjoy it I find myself in a state of panic that it might have been the last one, and I just squandered it away. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just enjoy a good thing without questioning it, without thinking about the bigger picture, without being afraid of tomorrow? I must have a sickness.

Speaking of my issues, Dan was away for business earlier this week, and during those three days I had all by myself at home, I sort of felt like I might be cracking up. My feelings on being home alone land on two sides of the for-or-against argument. On one hand, I absolutely love it. Specifically, I love being able to eat cereal for dinner or watch whatever I want on TV, and I love being able to read in bed without getting molested. I like how whatever mess I make is MY mess, so it doesn’t bother me. I can get engrossed in Facebook stalking or reading blogs for hours without someone asking me what I’m doing, what errands we need to run, and what the plans are for dinner. But with the good, come the bad. I am the first to admit that I become SO LAZY when I’m by myself and have no real, concrete plans. No matter what I might have earlier decided I wanted to do with my night, I can’t seem to get my ass out of the house. A lot of the time it’s because I somehow become engrossed in terrible sitcoms on Lifetime (Reba? Really? What is wrong with me?) or West Wing episodes that showed up on the DVR. I have needed blush since Saturday, but I haven’t been able to drag myself to Sephora yet. I was planning on stopping to buy some zucchini the other night on my way home from work, but instead I just kept on driving and made macaroni and cheese at home and vegged out watching 27 Dresses. While I don’t begrudge myself a little vegging out, it really makes me wonder what my life would be like if I actually lived by myself. I’d like to think I would still be an active member of society who leaves her home, but I honestly can’t be sure. Thank God for Dan. Hopefully I never have to find out!

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