I’m beginning to have a little anxiety about the future. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of a fun little self-involved twenty-something life and real undeniable adulthood; and the real undeniable adulthood is slowly creeping up on me and is ready to bite me in the ass when I least expect it. I realize I’m not really making any sense, but bear with me. Ok. So as I’ve always seen it, there are three distinguishable stages of a person’s life:
1. Childhood and schooling
2. Grey area adulthood when life is still “all about you”
3. Full-fledged grown-up - marriage, children, the whole works
Even though I’ve been married for almost two years now, I still consider myself in stage two, where it’s all about juggling the grown-up responsibilities with the immature tendencies of a self-involved twenty-something. College degree – check. Credit card balances way higher than they should be – check. Decent job, decent salary – check, check. A predisposition for choosing take-out over grocery shopping – check. Car payment, student loans – check. Procrastination of oil changes, tire rotations, tune-ups, and even gas replenishment (holding off until the car is running on fumes) – four big ass checks.
I can feel myself moving into stage three, and I’ve taken some pretty significant and obvious steps toward it by, of course, getting married, then buying a house, and finally last year getting a dog. Bella has been a really big step actually, because my life is certainly no longer all about me (and Dan). Now we have to think about how much time we’re spending at home with the dog, we constantly have in the back of our minds that she’s at home in her kennel waiting for us to come home and play with her, and on a random beautiful Saturday in the middle of March we have to make the decision to either spend it running errands and “doing lunch” or taking her for a walk and allowing her to enjoy the day. It’s been a change having that extra part of our family to worry about, but a good change, a really really good change. A year later I can’t imagine my life without her sweet dog kisses.
I’ll be honest, I don’t really know where I’m going with all of this, but these feelings and admittedly overly analytical evaluations of my life have certainly stemmed from the fact that half of my friends have decided it is time to jump head first into the throws of stage three by having lots and lots of babies. Babies, these days, are EVERYWHERE, and pregnancy is, indeed, the new black.
I’m getting excited though. I’m starting to want what they have. These babies, I tell you, they smell so good, their little foreheads and fingers and noses are deliciously kissable, I love to squeeze their little bums, I love to rub their little furry heads, and I simply can’t resist their delectable little neck-folds.
When is it you know you are really truly ready for stage three? Do you ever know? I can’t imagine myself ever saying, “Yeah I’m totally ready for a baby, I’m totally ready to give up belly dancing, pay far less attention to my tivo, forgo Friday night drinks with the girls for bath time and boob-sucking.” I’m guessing it’s something you have to just jump into blindfolded, because as prepared as a young couple thinks they are for their first child, they never really know what they’re getting into. I don’t know.
I do know, however, that when I go to Colorado next January I will not be pregnant and stuck in the challet reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" while the rest of my family is flying wildly down the mountains through fresh powder. So I’ve got at least a year to get used to the idea of drastically altering my happy little existence, and I sure as hell am going to make the most of that year.
To my girls, we need to plan our trip. I could care less what it is, a Caribbean cruise, an all-inclusive Mexican resort, whatever! As long as we are all there, in addition to lots of alcohol, dancing, sunbathing, and beaches, I will be a happy girl. So let’s get on it ladies, the clock is ticking!