Monday, August 31, 2009


We’re really getting down there! I am now 3 days from my due date, and basically every human being I come into contact with, acquaintance or stranger, friend or family, priest or rabbi, asks me one or more of the following questions:

“Are you ready?”
“Are you excited?”
“Are you nervous?”
“Any progress?”
“Do you think you’ve dropped?”
“How long do you think you’ll go?”
“Are you dilated?” (even men ask this one)
“Do you think it’ll be early or late?”
“You’re still here?” (coworkers)
“Did you lose your mucus plug yet?” (mom)

If I’m being honest, it’s getting kind of old. Of course people are going to ask me about the baby, I am huge and even if you don’t know me, it’s clear this whole “giving birth” thing is pretty imminent. I’m basically a massive walking bill board (with swollen ankles and chubby fingers) that clearly reads, “COMING REAALLLY SOON: BLONDE BABY”. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that answering the same questions over and over again gets really old. My (least) favorite is the “How long do you think it’ll be?” question, because seriously, what can I even say to that? I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE! If I had magical powers that could help me accurately predict something like that, I surely would have been using those powers for both good and evil for some time now. I certainly wouldn’t be sitting in a window-less office making spreadsheets and running reports for nearly 40% of my waking life.

Also, it’s kind of funny how inappropriate some of the questions are. In what other situation would you ask someone the equivalent of, “Has your doctor stuck her hand up your lady parts to determine how stretched out your cervix is yet?” or “How much pressure are you feeling on your crotch?”

Like I said, I totally understand the reasons for the questions, I have asked the same ones countless times of countless expectant moms. People are excited, people are interested, and it is clearly the elephant in the room. However, especially at work, they are starting to really drain me. I now DREAD leaving my office to walk the halls, as I will undoubtedly encounter some more friendly questions and innocent bantering on the way to the bathroom, or the printer, or the cafeteria, or anywhere.


Anyway, I hope to return tomorrow with something less snotty, I had actually planned on writing about the lovely weekend I had with my husband and dog-child, and my desire to really try to enjoy these last few days/weeks with my little family of 3.5. Clearly I went in another direction entirely!

And now that I’ve promised to write again tomorrow, maybe I will go into labor instead. That would be awesome. Fingers crossed!


Lisa said...

I'm sure I'm guilty of a few thousand questions, but I swear I have never asked you about your crotch, buddy. If I have, my apologies. :) And if I do feel so inclined to ask you any more questions, I'll try to at least make them unique and interesting to keep it fresh for you.

Can't wait to hear about your weekend with your sweet little family tomorrow. Or that the munchkin has arrived/is arriving. Either is good!

Mandy said...

Oh Buddy, the questions can be overwhelming (and to be honest I was going to email you yesterday to see how you were doing and if there was any progress... so I am guilty of the same old questions too)! I hope you are diong great, only a few more days and that little one will be in your arms and you will get to answering all the new questions like "When was he born, how much did he weigh, how was labor, has your milk come in, did you need stitches, how is he sleeping, does he poop a lot"?? See the questions are never ending when it comes to babies/kids and then in a few years the adult questions will die off and all you will hear all day long is "WHY MOMMY"?? So anyways, hope you are doing great be sure to keep us updated I am so excited to meet your little baby (boy is still my guess)!!

AliRose said...

I COMPLETELY understand all the questions, and know that everyone means well and I love that people are excited, it just gets exhausting right? Especially when you're so close! I would never get mad about it though, and I sooooo have always done the same thing with pregnant ladies. I hope my little rant yesterday didn't make anyone feel bad, I'm mostly just trying to have a sense of humor about it. ;)

Mandy said...

I totally understand - I loved your rant becuase I am sure that every pregnant woman feels the same way!!! The one thing that people should be punished for saying is "When do you think you will deliver?". Well Hello if you knew that you would be making millions by predicting the future (or maybe the weather because that is totally a guessing game)! Hang in there and I look forward to your post about your little family weekend!

Lisa said...

They should also not be asking about your lady parts! :) Too bad those people are most likely not reading your blog so that they learn.

No worries, I didn't read it as you being upset with people at all - just that you might have had enough for now and are ready for the baby! Woohoo!