Goodness, this pregnancy is just so so different. It's so much more just a part of life, like time keeps chugging away, life keeps on, and yeah, I'm pregnant, and yeah, our lives will change drastically in less than four months when this baby boy is born, but I just don't have as much time or energy to put into thinking about all that, worrying, hoping, wishing, wondering. There's a lot less of all of that this time around, and I don't think it has anything to do with us being less excited about this new baby, it all just feels so much more natural, more of just this lovely little existence.
This is us, this is now. Expecting our second son, the belly getting bigger every day, but no time to dwell on that too much because Gus is demanding that we play Thomas trains again. To heck with the developmental milestones and what fruit my fetus resembles this week, I'm going to go for a walk around the neighborhood with my little guy on his new bike, breath in this glorious crisp fall air. Or it's bedtime, so we all lay in Gus's bed and, by the dim light of the cute little green lamp, we read sweet stories about dragons and little bears and their mamas, and all the while baby boy kicks and bumps and moves all over inside me and makes those moments all the more special.
Sometimes I have guilt, like I need to be making a bigger deal about things.
I should take more belly pictures.
I should know what's going on with my baby's development now at 24 weeks, but I totally don't, because I haven't logged into Babycenter since about week 7.
Am I totally setting this child up to have the stereotypical "middle child" feelings of inadequacy or of being less loved?
But usually, no. No guilt. Because I know how happy and blessed I feel to be pregnant with our second son, things are just different now. I'm not the same person I was when I was pregnant with Gus. Older? Wiser? Not really. Just different priorities. I don't have any problem with other people doing those things, not at all, I just can't seem to muster the energy it takes to get all obsessed. I don't know why it's so different, but it is. And for some reason, this time I want to keep things a little closer to my heart. I feel like this is my family's story I'm living now, this baby, this pregnancy, he's not just mine, he's Dan's second son and he's Gus's little brother and it all just feels so much more special, and private. I know, it's sort of strange and hard to explain, but it's how I feel.
Anyway, I am excited. And I do want to share my excitement and get all proud mama and show off my littlest guy. I'm so glad I finally took a look at these pictures again, because my heart is all a flutter this morning looking at them and thinking about him. Wondering if he'll have that little fuzz that Gus had when he was born, thinking about what it will be like to look into his eyes and kiss his delicious little dome of a head. I'm already just so happy to be his mama.
So here he is. And no, we are nowhere near deciding on his name...
How cute is this chubby/muscly little arm? Reminds me so much of Gus's little muscles when he was born.
Specifically, of Gus in this picture. That's him and me taking a lovely (much needed) nap when he was less than a week old. I mean right? They are totally brothers. (Also, I fear these are the naps I will be pining for come January when in addition to a newborn, I've also got my loud, truck-obsessed little toddler to entertain/care for. Goodness. That is an exhausting thought.)
Long and lean legs, like his dad's.
Classic profile shot. He was moving around a ton during the ultrasound, thus the reason why he's laying completely the opposite way from the first picture.
There you have it. The first pictures of my youngest boy. I'm happy I finally shared them.