Today

So there is something wrong with me. There HAS to be. Because I just can’t stay home on my days off, I can’t relax with Gus and get something done around the house. Instead I run around and make all these plans and come home at nap time feeling SO EXHAUSTED that I’m close to keeling over. Gus fell asleep within 5 minutes of me lying down with him, so I’m doing it to him too.

I think deep down I’m trying to compensate for the fact that I may be somewhat housebound in a few months, with a newborn and a 2 year old. But this can’t be good for me, running myself ragged all day long in the name of “fun”, different experiences for Gus, taking advantage of the beautiful weather before the dreaded first snow.

Today was just, in a word, hectic. And it didn’t have to be!

And I don’t necessarily think it’s the best thing for Gus either, to be run around all over the world, shuffled from one place to another.

Our morning did not start out awesome. It’s nothing new that I was running late to ECFE, because my gosh, it’s at 9:00 AM and it’s actually quite difficult to get out of the house, with everything I need (including my dressed and fed child) before that time. Of course, I could actually get up before him, which would make things quite a bit less stressful and rushed, but heck if I’m going to do that on my day off!

So we run in 10 minutes late, I’m rushing around to help Gus do the damn fall leaves painting craft that they’re working on, before circle time. Then circle time is over in no time and we’re supposed to say goodbye and leave the kids there to go do mom discussion stuff. But of course Gus is feeling super shuffled and rushed and probably picking up on my stress, not to mention a bunch of the other boys were crying and sad, so for the first time he is really emotional about me leaving. Hugging me, “Mommy no!” sobbing and flailing when I finally just have to hand him off to one of his teachers.

Ugh. Parenting fail. Because that is not even Gus. This was all my doing.

And I’m pretty sure the teachers were judging me a bit. They are normally so good about soothing the crying kids, helping those of them that are going through a little bit of separation anxiety, but they saw me rushing in all late and frazzled, and they gave me the “look”. That first 30 minutes of class is supposed to be Mommy and toddler time, a time for us to be in-the-moment, engaged, one-on-one, helping them with a fun craft, showing them how to take their little picture and stick it on the wall that says “Who’s here today?”, and I totally did not do my part. I mean I was sweating and panting people.

Ha. Whatever. We ALL have those mornings, just feeling sort of bad about it, and I will try to do better next week. I guess that’s all I can do.

Of course, after class, Gus and I ran off to my mom’s to hang out with her and my brother. We decided to go pick up some salads to-go and then come back home, get the dog, get the stroller, and take a walk to the park for a little picnic. All fine and dandy, and it was just fine, but also of course hectic. More shuffling. More yelling at the psycho hyper dog. And holy mother, it is warmer out there today than I thought it would be, so lots more sweating and panting after the 3 mile walk from this pregnant lady.

I’m tired.

But Gus did get a huge kick out of seeing the guy with the dump truck come to the park and dump a big pile of fresh woodchips. And then he got even more of a kick out of climbing up on the pile and swimming in them.

Worth it for that smile?

Yeah, probably.