Going Back

A few things about going back to work:

I am thoroughly loving wearing clothes that DO NOT fall into either of these two categories:

• Boobs are easily accessible.
• I don't really care if this gets spit up on.

The lingo and the terminology is all coming back to me.  Back in the middle of my maternity leave I met some coworkers for lunch and of course we ended up talking about something job-related.  While I was out, they were being asked by management to explain something that had to do with one of my projects, so since I was right there they thought they would just ask me.  I literally could not manage to spit out anything that made sense.   It was like the light on that part of my brain had been dimmed for too long, it all felt so… out of context or something, and I just couldn’t find the words.  It was SO WEIRD.   Anyway, thankfully after just a few hours of going through my email and getting back up to speed, I felt competent again. 

I am pretty much starving throughout about 50% of my work day.  Clearly I got pretty used to eating and snacking ALL DAY LONG while on maternity leave, and my body is adjusting.  Today by 11:00 AM I was bugging my brother in the office next door about when he wanted to eat lunch, I was having a hard time concentrating on anything other than how hungry I was.  

I had an epiphany though, when I remembered that the last time I was in this office I was PREGNANT!  So clearly there would be some snacks stashed away in my desk somewhere.  I found them, little mini Luna bars.  Perfection.    

Speaking of my brother, I really missed him.  I didn’t realize how much I missed talking to him.  And it’s not like I haven’t seen him in three months, we live just a few miles away and our families get together quite often, but it’s just different. 

And speaking of LUNCH, oh it is glorious to sit and eat and talk and not manage babies.  Gloooorious.  

I am ravenous for all the office gossip, and so much has gone down since December, I just can’t get enough.  I feel like I can’t stop talking, can’t stop asking questions, I can’t get enough of the “shop talk”.  It is so nice to talk about and think about something other than my children.  

Pumping is going well, I produce so much milk this time around (I’m getting over 20 oz total each day in my three pumping sessions) and it is quite a relief to not really have to stress out about the whole “numbers game”.  I have been pumping every morning since around week four, (which I hated doing at first but just learned to work into my morning routine), so I’ve built up quite the freezer stash of about 200 ounces. 

Louie didn’t sleep very well for either of his grandmas this week, but I’m hoping it’s just a matter of him having to adjust to the new environments and to being away from his mother.  As far as they’ve told me, he’s been perfectly sweet and happy throughout the day, no major freak outs.  But still, he only manages little cat-naps throughout the day, waking up the second he is put down or if grandma dares to try to sit while holding him.   

So my time spent in the evenings this week with the little guy has pretty much  looked like this:

• Walk in the door  
• Give Gus a hug and ask him how his day was.  
• Take Louie from Dan and love on him and smell him and talk to him, trying to make him smile at me so I don’t feel so guilty that me going back to work and leaving him is the reason why he’s so tired.  
• Maybe manage to get about half a smile out of him, but not much, because he’s just too exhausted for that nonsense. 
• Immediately after a good nursing session the little guy falls asleep, and is dreaming away in his bassinet by about 6:15-6:30 where he stays until I wake him up at 10:00 to get him into his PJs and nurse again before I go to bed. 

It does make me a little sad that I spent about 45 minutes with him each night, during which he’s mostly nursing, but it won’t always be like that.  He’ll figure out how to sleep without his mother, and in a bed that isn’t his own.  

And it makes it much easier that we only have to do that for three days, the week has gone by so fast and I’ve been so busy at work that I’ve barely had time to get too distressed about it.  Starting tomorrow I have four lovely days to spend with my two boys.  

I think things are going to be okay.   

Oh and I hope it goes without saying that I’ve missed my silly Gus this week as well.   He’s just grown up so much in the past few months, and is getting to be so independent, (not to mention he loves spending time with both of his grandmas), that I don’t really have to worry too much about him. 

However, and this has become very apparent this week, I DO have to worry about what I say around him.  Like really, seriously, shut your trap woman.

Funny story…

He has this little Lightning McQueen mega block car that he has trouble pulling apart, so instead he throws it as hard as he can on the floor so it breaks apart.  Earlier this week I was in the kitchen doing dishes while he was (I thought) in the basement playing, and he snuck up behind me and scared the CRAP out of me by smashing his car on the floor.  

Of course, I jumped and screamed, “JESUS CHRIST!” and sure enough, he immediately incorporated that into a game and proceeded to run around the house throwing his car on the floor yelling, “JESUS CHRIST!”, over and over and over again.  Dan and I had to stifle our laughter and pretend to have no reaction to what he was saying, hoping he’d forget and have a new phrase to obsess over the next day.  However this morning, after a failed potty incident before heading off to grandma’s ended with him peeing all over me, it slipped out of both of our mouths again.   

Ugh.  I just had to shake my head, and of course try soooooo hard not to laugh, because it shouldn’t be funny.  It is terrible!  But something about it coming out of his little mouth in his chirpy little voice?  It’s just so… ADORABLE!  Gah!

Parenting is a trip.