I am embarrassed. I hate to admit this, but yes, right away when it's happening that's where my heart and mind are. I'm embarrassed. I hate having to discipline my child in front of you. I wonder if you think I'm doing it wrong. Should I have made more of an effort to console your child, instead of immediately removing mine from the situation? Was I insensitive to your child's needs in that moment? I worry about what you think of me, but much more, I worry about what you think of my son.
I am angry. NO! Stop that! What is wrong with you? Are you
listening to me? How many times do I have to say it?! How many times
do we need to have this conversation? Why are you doing this to me?!
Why can't you be normal?
I am disappointed, but not with my kid... with myself. Because
he's not doing this to me. This isn't about me, and I'm not being fair to him by making it about me.
I'm confused. When he and I talk about what just happened, and he
avoids my eye contact and fidgets and acts nervous, I can tell that he
knows what he did was wrong. I tell him to look at me, and he does,
with his big blue eyes, stating solemnly, "be nice to friends, no
hitting!" But then five minutes later we're having the exact same
conversation again after he hits your kid again.
I am frustrated. Not again! ARRGH! I go over and over the incident in my head until I feel like I'm going crazy. What was the trigger? What could I have done to have prevented it? WHY IS HE DOING THIS?!
I am stressed out. When our kids are together I feel like I can't let my guard down for a second. I have a pit in my stomach, I'm queasy with nerves. When they are near each other, my heart is pounding, my feet ready and light, I'm ready to pounce at the slightest move.
I am insecure, I'm questioning my parenting decisions. Yeah, that's right, you're not the only one. Is there some deep-rooted reason why he's acting out like this? Is he trying to tell us something and we're just not getting it? Am I not being insensitive to his needs in some way? What am I doing wrong? Clearly there is something I'm doing wrong. He's feeling
powerless in life somehow, and this is how he has chosen to assert his
power. Am I stifling him in some way to bring out all this aggression and anger?
I am exhausted, exasperated. How much more of this will we all have to endure? Will it always be like this? Another day at school, another family get-together, where I'm going home guilt-ridden. Tired. Sad.
Most of all, I am sad. Honestly, when I take my son to another room for a time-out
and "talk", I feel like I'm going to cry. Sometimes I do. I don't want
your kid to be hurt. I don't want my child to be the "bully". He's
really, truly a wonderful, sweet little boy. Please don't think
terrible things about him. Please don't let this dictate how you feel
about him. I swear to God, this is not him. He has so much love in