A Busy Long Weekend

Whew. We had a great weekend. Just, GREAT.

The funny thing is that just as it feels like we’re getting into the groove of, I don’t know, life… Gus is on a pretty good, if unconventional routine, not to mention he’s sleeping (!) and over the last week has finally given up the glorified bottle he has insisted on drinking his milk out of (only involved 2 relatively short-lived tantrums), and I have been on this streak of cooking comfort food and baking and feeling domestic and just really truly content… well, next month this happy little existence of ours is going to be thrown a crazy curveball when we bring a newborn into the mix. A whole new PERSON in our family! It’s so exciting, but also quite scary, if I’m being completely honest.

Even though we are so busy, with so many commitments and so much to get done before Christmas, and then before baby, and it doesn’t seem like I have a moment to relax and really just do nothing, life still has this feeling almost of, well… the calm before the storm.

These last few days have been really fun and festive and laid-back, yet kind of insane at the same time. I’m feeling pretty lucky to have the husband I married and the son I gave birth to. And in addition to my boys at home, I get to be a part of these two amazing and unique families, and am able to celebrate the season, and the upcoming arrival of a new little one, with such a supportive core group of friends. I’m incredibly fortunate.

We had friends over Friday night to celebrate the holidays. I made Crockpot lasagna and it was so simple and perfect for the occasion. The Crockpot (slow cooker?) has to be one of the greatest inventions ever right? Friends brought other delicious goodies, as well as their adorable children and it was a rowdy bunch to say the least. Twelve adults and seven kids will make an old house with small rooms feel even more cramped than it was before. Ahhh well, that’s okay. I really truly do love our house, I would just love it more if some of the walls were not there and it had a little more of an open floor plan. Residential home builders circa the 1930’s, however, obviously did not favor the idea of an open floor plan.

But yes, it was a fun night, and when things got a little bit too unruly with the kids, some of them up past their bedtime I’m sure, we broke out the Christmas crafts! See, another example of my newfound domesticity… me being all organized and planning ahead with CRAFTS to keep children busy and happy. I am definitely learning on the job at this mothering thing… a year ago I would have never thought to have something for the older kids to do.

Oh but I wish Gus would be into crafts, because he so IS NOT. Lisa snapped this photo as proof that he sat down and worked on one of my little prepared projects, but in actuality this lasted for just a few minutes. See that glue stick? He really didn’t want to do anything crafty that didn’t involve licking that glue stick.  

The rest of our weekend was amazingly productive. We spent Saturday finishing up shopping at the mall, and it was of course insanely busy and we were so thankful that we just had a few small things to get. The mall the weekend before Christmas is not quite as horrible when you have a plan, and very little you need to accomplish. Of course Gus had a great time watching the high school band that was playing holiday music outside Macy’s, and it’s always nice to get a change of scenery and help him run off some steam before naptime. After lunch he took a glorious 3 hour nap that allowed us to finish wrapping presents and get ready to go to Dan’s parent’s house for the evening, to welcome them home from their Mexico vacation.

Sunday I had vowed to get all our bags packed for the hospital, and I feel SO MUCH BETTER having checked that off our list. It literally had been keeping me up at night, ridiculous I know, but I pretty much lay in bed overwhelmed with thoughts of all the things I need to do soon-ish so I can feel relaxed and at peace with baby boy making his entrance into the world.

Labor bag, hospital overnight bag, and diaper bag are all ready to go. Suck it swirling brain of stress!

After accomplishing that feat, I went grocery shopping and then baked for two hours while the little boy napped. Yum!

I don’t work Mondays, so along with Fridays, they are my little weekend bookends and I love them. My mom and dad were both off work so we all went down to the Mall of America to take Gus on a few rides and see the mall all decked out for the holidays. I’ve avoided the mall like the plague throughout the holiday season, but we figured it wouldn’t be all that busy on a Monday, and we figured right.

Gus had a total blast, and grandma and grandpa went on a bazillion rides with him.

After a pretzel and smoothie for lunch, Gus took another awesome nap and had to be woken up to go to his very last swimming lesson at the YMCA. So freaking cute. I had never been, because this was something we signed him up to do with daddy, and I worried that I might be a distraction or a nuisance to the whole process, observing from the side of the pool. But with this being the last class, I had to go and take a few pictures and see first-hand Gus in all his “scooping” and kicking and motor-boat singing glory.

And he was such a little pro about the whole thing, so cute to get a glimpse of this little routine Dan and he have had over the last few months of lessons. We all went into the family locker room together and I helped get Gus changed. Oh my goodness, I am so proud of the little boy he’s become, so independent, so smart. He walked me through the whole process, brought me his swim diaper and told me to put it on him, then his plastic diaper cover, then his swimsuit and swim shirt. Finally he showed me how he and daddy have to rinse off in the shower before going to the pool.


Shirtless husband picture ok for the internet?  I hope so.  We'll keep it small. 



This kid is so awesome. Seriously, wasn’t it yesterday I was nursing and rocking you to sleep child?! And now here we are, you showing me how you and daddy get all ready for swim lessons?

Goodness, I was already a pile of mush before he even got in the pool.

Here are a bunch of photos from the lesson, there’s only one other family enrolled in this session and they weren’t there last night, so it was a private session with the sweet-natured teenaged instructor. Dan said Gus was pretty uncooperative last night, compared to all the others. I didn’t notice, because I couldn’t hear a word of what was going on, but he seemed to have thoroughly charmed his instructor, despite his stubbornness, and I wouldn’t have expected any different. 

Holidays... still pregnant... that kind of update

Goodness gracious I am 36 weeks pregnant, when did that happen?  Like seriously, how are we here already? 

Of course, on the other hand, I am constantly complaining that it feels like I have been pregnant FOREVER, it's that interesting and infuriating dichotomy that I'm sure most women who've been pregnant can remember vividly. 

It's all about perspective this late in the game. 



And WHAMMO.  How's that for perspective?  Thats the Belly, with a capital B, for Big, and Beach Ball, and Bodacious, and Baffling, and just flat out Busting out... of many of my maternity tops.

As for how I'm feeling, physically, at 36 weeks pregnant, it's not too bad.  I've had a few instances of swelling over the past week, which was somewhat alarming.  Once was after a two hour choral/orchestral concert for which I was required to sit in a church pew.  Afterwards I stood up and was somewhat horrified to find that my right foot had swelled up over the last hour, to the point where it was difficult to walk and it felt and looked like my shoe didn't fit.  Freaky.  I blame myself, as I crossed my legs for about half the concert, and also hadn't drank nearly enough water as I should have throughout the day.  Lessons learned.

I felt better after hydrating, and walking a bit, but then the next morning woke up to really swollen fingers and ankles.  Not cute.  My rings are now currently hanging on the chain around my neck because I just don't want to take any chances.

Other than that, baby boy is moving around quite a bit in there, even though he seems to be running out of room.  At my midwife appointment yesterday she declared him head-down (whew) and said that he doesn't seem "all that big".  She referenced how big Gus was (9 lb 11 oz) and said she didn't think this little guy would be quite there, she estimated he was about 6 lbs right now.  But who knows... I don't think any of us were expecting Gus to be that big last time, and I can't say I'm all that worried about it.  Clearly I can birth big babies just fine.

Oh and yes, people at work specifically are starting to say really annoying/amusing things.  It's just too funny, the word vomit that is spewed on pregnant women, most of which I know totally comes from the right place, and is not meant to be mean-spirited or insulting.  But seriously people!  Get a handle on it!  Yesterday I was in these two ladies' office asking them a totally work-related question, and they just couldn't seem to make eye contact.  Instead, they preferred to blatantly stare at the belly, and one of them actually asked me if I was sure there was only one baby in there.

Yeah.  I'm sure.  Thanks for that.

One guy last week walked by me, and exclaimed wide-eyed, "Whoa!  That is... whoa.  Must not be much longer now huh?"

It's just really to the point that you can't NOT say something about it, because, well, you saw the belly.  So I totally get it.

But please don't say something to me that implies that I might be having twins and I don't realize it.  Puh-leeeze.  That is really my only request.    

Anyway, here we are.  Things are going just fine, people ask me if I'm all ready and I flat out say NO, and they sort of give me this look like they don't know how to respond.  But really, I am not ready.  I want to meet this baby boy, I am getting SO EXCITED about that part of it, but I just haven't had time to properly prepare.  Bags still need to be packed.  The nursery needs to be organized, tiny diapers need to be bought, pump parts need to be sanitized, maxi pads and stool softeners and breast pads need to be purchased.  The list feels neverending, and that is only because I haven't taken the time to make an actual list.  I think once I do that, I will feel better about things, but I have just been way too focused on the holidays and family and Christmas shopping and making cookies, and it really has been an excellent December.  I just am starting to feel like I probably shouldn't wait until after Christmas to start thinking about things like installing the infant car seat, or throwing towels and plastic bags in each of our cars in case my water breaks in some strange place.  Just.  In.  Case.

We're due January 10th, so I know that most likely there's PLENTY of time for me to take that nesting energy that I've been consumed with (but thus far have dedicated towards cooking and baking for potlucks and wrapping presents and making our house all pretty for the holidays) and put it towards labor/newborn prep.  Hopefully, PLENTY of time.  Really, I just need to calm down, and get to it.

I really really love this time of year though, and have to say I've been so happy to share all the holiday excitement with our little two year old.  We went downtown for the Holidazzle parade a few weeks ago and, goodness, how awesome is it that I now have this little toddler excuse to force Dan to do things that he normally hates, like go to parades downtown in the freezing cold.  Pre-dad Dan would never do that.  I love pre-dad Dan, but actual Dad Dan, yeah he's much more accomodating, and will pretty much do anything to make his kid happy.  Gus and I are pretty lucky to have him.

We've also made sure to get out and enjoy the snow... BOTH times that we've gotten a little dusting.  The amount of snow so far this season has definitely been lame, but really that's ok with me.  I know there's plenty of winter left, and from Gus's reaction to "SNOW!" both of those times, there are definitely good times ahead.  

Friday night we're having friends over for a relatively impromptu holiday dinner get-together, and I am so so excited.  It always ends up being so difficult to get together with friends during this time of the year, we all have so many family/work committments, and it really never seems to work out.  But this year, somehow, it did, and I just can't wait to do Christmas with friends, in a super relaxed, Minnesota hotdish potluck kind of way.  I put together a few crafts to keep the kids busy, Mandy is bringing her DVDs of Frosty and Rudolph, I will be putting on the holiday tunes, and pretty much the only thing that could make the evening better would be if I could partake in finishing off a bottle or two of red.  Oh well... I can wait... only FOUR MORE WEEKS.  (Gracious.)  Maybe I'll splurge and have a few sips from someone's glass.  ;)

Decking the halls

We went and cut down our Christmas tree this weekend, like we do every year after Thanksgiving, and I gotta say, it really isn't the same without snow.  Last year we pulled Gus around in a sled, all bundled up and adorable, and we threw snowballs at Bella and we frolicked and it was all very pretty. 

This year was certainly fun, but not nearly as picturesque, as our surroundings essentially amounted to brown, dead November.  But that's okay.  Snow may be awesome, but so is not dealing with the additional traffic headaches and the shoveling and the slushy goopy sidewalks.  So for as long as nature will allow it this winter, I'm cool with no snow.

So no winter wonderland, and my camera died pretty much upon our arrival.  This is literally all I got.

And from my cell phone camera, here's Gus "helping" my dad load up the trees.

Such a fun day though, and we picked out a real beauty.  It can actually be pretty stressful, wandering around trying to really visualize how certain trees will work (read: fit) in our small home.  (This year I think we actually did it... we didn't underestimate the size of the tree and end up with something that takes up our entire dining room!)  And then there is some added stress when you throw into the mix a toddler and a dangerously encroaching nap time.  One moment he'd be having a blast, running around wildly and fully enjoying the open space, and then all of a sudden he'd appear at my feet, pulling at my pant leg with snot running down his face, whining, "Carry you mommy, carry you!"

His misuse of pronouns never fails to make me giggle, but it really does make sense.  He's such a sponge these days, basically repeating everything we say, so since it's common for me to ask him things like, "Do you want mommy to carry you?" or "Do you want me to help you?", it only makes sense that when in need of help, he (quite adorably) exclaims, "Help you!  Help you!"

Yesterday was spent getting the tree up. 

Uuf-duh. 

It really is quite the process isn't it?  Especially when you do the real tree thing, because there's just oh so much more cleaning and sweeping and vacuuming of needles involved, not to mention the trimming and the sticky sap and inspecting it from multiple angles and messing with the tree stand to make the darn thing straight.  But really, that's only the beginning.

Dan took what felt like 7 hours to get the lights on the tree.  We switch off, every other year, because we both hate that part equally, and I was thankful to be off the hook this year.  Anyway, he is very particular, as only an engineer could be, but he does beautiful work. 

And our house is feeling mighty festive today, I've been reveling in it, seriously soaking up the holiday spirit, trying to drink it in and savor it like a really incredible cup of coffee.  I love this time of year.

Charming.  This year, I'm getting Gus a stocking with his name on it.

Just look at those chubby little fingers of Gus's from two years ago.  Oh I really can't wait to taste this new baby's chubby little fingers. 

I love this little kitschy Scandinavian skier guy my mother-in-law gave Gus last year. 

It's true what they say about kids making Christmas and other holidays about 1 gazillion times better than they are without (not to mention 1 gazillion times more work, yes that too).  It really was so much fun pulling out some of the ornaments Gus has been given over the last few years, remembering the times we've spent as a family in the past two years.  Awesome stuff I tell you.  Truly awesome, heart-kablooey, sappy stuff.  



This was a fun surprise, something I had completely forgotten about, but was reminded of as we pulled all of our holiday stuff out of big blue tubs.  Gus was given a Little People nativity set last year by his godparents, and it's pretty adorable.  However he refuses to keep the little angel on the top of the stable where she belongs, and tears her off and casts her aside as soon as he sees that we've placed her there.  He does what he wants, people.

Of course we also have our boring (really I love it), breakable, grown-up nativity scene set out as well.  It, however, doesn't require batteries or play "O Little Town of Bethlehem".

 
Birds at the top of our tree.  We attempted a new star year after year and it just never worked.  How do people use those heavy star tree-toppers?  Those mothers always just ended up causing our tree to precariously bend and nearly tip over.  Whatever.  These birds just clip on and I find them delightful. 

We have no holiday decor in our bedroom, but look!  I made our bed today.  So I guess I'm just looking for a high-five for that effort.  ;)  And I really love this funky quilt we pulled out of the cedar closet when it started to get colder this fall.  Made up bed equals me feeling all domesticated.

   
Gus just came and asked me for blueberries, and about a half hour ago he pointed up to the Bose sound dock thing and asked for us to turn on "the songs".  So cool.  I just have to say, I'm having so much fun being this kid's mom, and being around for all these little subtle moments of growing and learning and communicating.  Just thinking about how different he is and how many new things he's doing from even just a month ago, it's pretty mind-blowing.  Makes up for those times when I'm super frustrated with his constant hanging on me, clutching my hair, climbing all over me asking for hugs at the dinner table. 

Yeah, that's motherhood for you.  One second reveling in your kid's awesomeness, and the next begging him to please just stop hanging on you, feeling claustrophobic, overwhelmed, and stretched thin.  It's all worth it.  Every second. 

Ramblings of a lunatic

I am determined to get something written here, because it is so NOT Halloween anymore, and that picture of me as a ninja just needs to go away.  (Note to self: also change Facebook profile picture asap.  Duh.)

What has even been happening, to excuse such an absence?  Well, I think we can sum it up.

I am getting huge, that's what's happening. 

I am 33 weeks pregnant as of... yesterday, and I am really starting to remember what the end of a pregnancy is like.  I'm fine, really, feeling just fine, but it does start to wear on you by this point in the process.  The sleeping thing is ok, I am finally for the first time in two years not getting up for Gus in the middle of the night, like, AT ALL, so that is wonderful, but of course I have replaced those wake-ups with those that are a result of needing to pee every two hours or so, or turn over onto my other side to give the sore hip I have been sleeping on a little break.

Whatever, it's not that bad at all, I just, somehow, sort of forgot about this 3rd trimester crap!

Oh, by the way I don't want anyone to get the crazy idea that Gus actually sleeps through the night at 27 months old, so I should clarify my above statement, and say that though I personally am not getting up and dealing with him, someone (Dan) is.

That crazy little boy of ours, he is actually sleeping so much better than he ever was back in the day when it was all I could really talk or think about because I was so sleep deprived.  He only wakes up once or maybe twice a night, and if one of us just climbs into bed to snuggle with him (bringing with us some milk and/or a pacifier) he for the most part goes right back to sleep.  Which means mom or dad falls right back asleep upstairs, and then zombifies back down to our bedroom a few hours later when he or she wakes up with a toddler's foot in their face.  This we can handle though, because EVERYONE GETS TO SLEEP.  That is key, we can handle a little bit of "musical beds" if we all GET TO SLEEP.

Anyway, clearly I needed to stop going up there in the middle of the night, because in, ohhhh, about 7 weeks I will have someone even more needy to care for at all hours of the night.  And even up until last week, Gus would get RAGING MAD when it was daddy who came upstairs in the middle of the night.  I could hear the hysterics through the monitor and it really is somewhat funny because seriously child?  Is that drama necessary? 

On one particular occasion while listening in from downstairs, I could tell that he was seeing that it was daddy because he instantly started banging ferociously on the gate in his doorway, and then I could hear Dan's hushed voice, "It's ok, shhhh, Gus you have to move and let me in...", and then a loud screech and what constituted him lurching out of Dan's grasp and throwing himself to the floor to the tune of a big ole pumpkin noggin hitting the hardwood floor.  Tears.  Hysterics.  "Mommy!  Mommy!"

Oh buddy.  Such drama.  It is so unnecessary.

But like most parenting challenges, we just needed to be consistent for more than a few days, because he hasn't really gotten pissed over the last week, and actually calls out for "Daddy" rather than "Mommy" some of the time.  Major progress I tell you!  And this is a key hurdle we would like to get through before the baby comes, because I don't want Gus associating the new baby with his mom abandoning him.  It cannot be that little baby's fault that I'm no longer available for him in the middle of the night, even though, well... it really is the baby's fault.  Gus cannot know that, we don't need to give him any extra ammunition for resenting the little guy.

Oh one really frustrating pregnancy development over the last month is that my midwives are no longer going to be able to deliver at the hospital we had planned on having this baby at.  Some big political something happened with the clinic they are currently associated with, and the hospital itself, and as of Jan 1 they are out, and moving to another hospital that is much further away from home. 

So we had to choose between the following crappy options:

1. Switch to an OB that delivers at our hospital.  New clinic, new provider, but same hospital.
2. Find a midwife at another hospital that is closer than the one our midwives are going to.  New clinic, new provider, new hospital, but at least it's still the midwifery model of care that is important to us. 
3. Follow our midwives to this new hospital.  
4. Unassisted home birth.  

We chose option 3.  Truthfully, at this point a home birth truly sounds the most appealing, even though I'm sure half my friends and family would think I'm crazy to even consider it an option, but I'm being honest here.  When I think about all the logistics that go into having a baby at the hospital... getting someone to take Gus on a moment's notice, packing bags for everyone, getting to the hospital in enough time to not have this baby in the car, and spending two days away from home.  Ugh. 

But I would want a midwife there, which means I'd have to find a home birth midwife this late in the game.  No.  Just, not going to happen.    

So option 3.  The idea of completely switching to a new birth team was really stressing me out.  We are just going to have to be smarter about things this time and get our asses to the hospital.  Goodness, just thinking about last time, laboring by myself in the back of our car, fully effaced and dilated, basically trying to hold that kid in.  Yeah, and that was a 5 minute ride to the hospital. 

This time, we listen to and trust my body and our instincts.  If contractions come on that strong and that fast right away again, then we leave RIGHT AWAY.

Well after we call my parents to come get our two year old!  Goodness.

Anyway.  Clearly I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that this is all something I need to start thinking about, but also, quite clearly, I haven't really done the appropriate thinking yet.  It's all just coming out as word vomit here.

First step.  Set up a tour of our new hospital.  Stat.  Yes, that's a good first step.

Happy Halloween!

Morning

As much as I am SO NOT a morning person, I sort of do love mornings.  Once I'm really awake and forced out of bed, and have a cup of coffee in me, I love mornings.

And this particular morning, well it really is lovely.  Gus and I have the whole day ahead of us, no plans, no appointments, and loads of sunshine at our disposal.

We've had our breakfast, scrambled eggs and whole wheat toast for me, a waffle and strawberries for Gus.  Now Gus is downstairs playing with his trains, I've got Nancy Cassidy playing on the ipod for him, to keep him company.  We've discovered that sometimes his demands for television ("Watch Tee-Bee Mama!  Watch Thomas!!") can sometimes be diverted without tears if we put on some kiddie music while he plays on his own.  It's an awesome trick and totally seems to work.  Helps him play independently and happily for much longer, without the help of television. 

I've worried in the last few weeks or so that the TV thing is starting to get out of hand.  He could have cared less about it for the first nearly two years of his life, aside maybe from some PBS in the mornings or when he woke up cranky from a nap, but just recently it's ALL THE TIME.  Demanding Thomas the Train or this weird little live action video that came with a book he got for his birthday showing all different kinds of farm animals running through fields and being generally adorable, with this trippy/happy music in the background and little kids talking about what each animal is called.  He loves that crazy video, which he has dubbed "e-i-e-i-o".

Anyway... so yeah.  Just too much TV.  And the more he watches it, the more he demands it, and the more cranky he becomes.  As soon as a 45 minute episode of Thomas is over, he starts screaming for more.  Not cool.

So today... what should we do today?  It's Friday!  I am home with my boy and it's going to be a beautiful day.  So much promise.  I love that.

Ok, one more cup of coffee, then we're going to go have some sort of adventure.  Happy Friday!       

This glorious fall

Fall.  It has been extraordinarily wonderful, right?  Well we've certainly made an effort to get out and enjoy it as much as possible.  Trying not to think about the season that awaits us...

At the cabin in Wisconsin



The "Men" building the deck.







Playing nicely (sometimes) with cousins.

  



Home and around town

 

Fall at the Farm

And this past weekend, it was the

Pumpkin Train!



We rode through Osceola to the train depot on this awesome bus.  Gus was pretty insanely excited.





And then we told him he got to ride on THIS!





Always trying to get away in pictures with mom.



And the hay bale maze was the best thing yet, surprisingly!  He ran through that thing, grinning, about 30 times.



The Haps

A few things that are all completely unrelated but have been happening around these parts...

Gus is obsessed with frozen blueberries, he goes crazy for those messy, stain-inducing little buggers.  Like, last night, wouldn't touch the pizza, yes pizza, that was sitting on his plate all delicious-like and instead opted for two huge bowls full of frozen blueberries.  When his first bowl was empty he looked up at me with those big eyes, his entire mouth and chin stained blue, and exclaimed, "Oh NOOOOO!  All GONE!"  So I filled er up, and that was pretty much it for dinner.  Toddlers are so weird you guys.

So... looks like my child is the class bully.  Goodness.  We've been having separation anxiety issues over the last three weeks or so, which has been super strange for him, but clearly the little guy is going through something.  So yesterday he did not freak out when I left him in class with Teacher Ann, Teacher Kathy and the rest of the kids, and he actually looked excited to play with all the toys, running around smiling, still hugging me real tight, but there were no tears, no drama.  And I was so relieved, because the whole routine just breaks my heart, and I was hoping that he would get better.

But THEN!  At the end of the class, when us parents came in during snack time the little guy was sitting on the teacher's lap, all smiles exclaiming, "Mama!  You came back!".  And THEN!  Teacher Ann pulled me aside to tell me that he had a bit of a "rough morning".  My immediate thought was that he was sad for a while, like last time.  No, he was just really aggressive with other kids, throwing toys, pushing, not sharing.  Ugh.  Now I am not at all surprised by this, he also seems to be going through a little aggressive testing limits phase as well, particularly with his little 7 month old cousin.  And we are working on it, but he just doesn't seem to be getting it, the "talks" we have about being nice to other kids and sharing, the time-outs.  I'm not too concerned, because I think HE IS A TWO YEAR OLD who does not spend a ton of time with other kids his age, and I think this type of behavior is actually quite normal.  But jeez, no one wants to be pulled aside by the teacher at the end of class.  I felt totally admonished.

I'm sure it's a phase, he's clearly going through something, and that something might even have to do with the fact that he can sense an impending, dun dun dun... new baby to compete with.  And I have to keep reminding myself that he is a toddler, and toddlers are, in essence, crazy.  Because I simply can't imagine it would be possible for two of the most introverted conflict-avoiders out there (I'm talking about Dan and I) to mate and produce a bully.  No, that just doesn't make sense!  All through grade school and even high school my friends used to yell at me for saying "I'm sorry" too often, or when completely unnecessary.  I am a conflict avoider to a fault, and it's something I have to work on, my self confidence, and the ability to stand up for myself and my opinions.  So no.  My child the mean kid?  No. 

Honestly, I have some hard core mama-bear fears about sending Gus off to school someday, and all that potential for him to have trouble making friends, or get his feelings hurt by some other bully kids.  Just the idea of it breaks my heart.  But there is the other side of it I suppose.  That fact NEVER even occurred to me, that he might end up being the mean kid, you know?  My mind is blown people. 

Switching topics...

I am becoming increasingly frustrated by my maternity wardrobe, since I'm doing the pregnant thing on a completely different timetable this time.  Blech.  So I am getting big, officially in the 3rd trimester today (whoa!), the weather is getting cooler, and my closet full of springy maternity tops and sundresses is looking very out of season.  Dern.  I was pregnant in the winter last time, but obviously not wearing maternity clothes yet, so... there you go.

I hate the idea of buying more maternity clothes, I've already made my fair share of purchases this second time around, a pairs of jeans, cords, some simple tanks for under non-maternity cardigans.  So I told myself NO MORE!  But goodness, it is getting difficult to get dressed in the morning.  I have a lot of great dresses that could work for the office, but now I need tights.  And the non-maternity tights I have are like torture devices, so uncomfortable sitting under the belly all day.  I am ready to rip them off my body with my teeth by the time the afternoon hits.  

Anyway, such a stupid thing to even be stressing about.  I need to just bite the bullet and buy some cheap winter tops from Old Navy, or shut up about it.  I remember getting this way in the third trimester when I was pregnant with Gus, so many changes happening with my body, I just have this intense desire to buy things that might help me feel like myself a little bit.

In other pregnancy news, tomorrow morning I do the lovely glucose tolerance screening for Gestational Diabetes, so that should be good times.  I've mentioned this before, but because Gus was over 9 lbs at birth, they do things a little differently, taking into consideration the fact that I could have been borderline GD during my last pregnancy.  So I took a two hour test at 16 weeks, which involved fasting for 8 hours, getting my blood drawn, then drinking the nasty flat extra sugary orange drink, waiting an hour, getting my blood drawn again, waiting another hour, and getting my blood drawn a third and final time. 

It really was a blast, as I'm sure those of you who have done this screening in any of its forms would agree.  Ugh.  Actually it was extra horrible to do at 16 weeks because I still had some of those first trimester symptoms, and not eating only made them worse.  Whatever, I passed, I was relieved, my midwife was cool.  I went about my second trimester. 

Tomorrow, at 28 weeks, I do the same two hour test again.  And the two hour test is not like the one hour test in that if you fail, you have to do the 3 hour test to confirm and/or rule out a false positive.  The two hour test is IT. Do or die.  You fail, you have Gestational Diabetes. 

Wow, all this third trimester testing stuff is really bringing things home, I can't believe how quickly these weeks have flown!  Should we be doing a refresher labor and delivery class?  Gosh, I haven't really even considered it.  Just not even on my radar.  At the very least, I should start reading through my Bradley books again.  Crazy.  As I've said, second pregnancy = SO DIFFERENT.  At this point in time during my first pregnancy I was obsessing about this stuff, constantly.  There really is just no time for obsessing anymore!