I stand alone

The following is a list of 10 reasons why working with almost all men is definitely NOT one of the "perks" of my job:

1. When I go out to lunch with them, they never want to go somewhere for a nice light salad or sandwich. No, they want to hit up the Chinese buffet, Taco Bell, Arby's (today's de'jour), or most of the time, the dive down the street with 7 TV's on different sports channels that has a menu consisting of burgers, burgers with cheese, burgers with bacon, and burgers with cheese AND bacon. How on earth is a girl supposed to stay trim on a diet consisting of all that greasy crap!

2. Because of their choices of lunch destinations, I am usually forced to refuse their invitation and sit in my cube, alone, eating cottage cheese and salad from the cafeteria.

3. Fantasy Football.

4. The fact that they all got to spend three paid working hours in the conference room for the Fantasy Football draft, whilst enjoying pizza on the company's dime. It is my feeling that I should have been encouraged to spend those same three hours shopping at the mall and/or getting a manicure/pedicure whilst enjoying a yummy mall pretzel and smoothie on the company's dime.

5. When I am hanging with the guys, and one of them says something inappropriate, or tells a dirty joke, I can tell they all get nervous and are all secretly thinking about losing their job when I run to Mr. Boss Man with some sort of sexual-harassment complaint. Come on guys! I love to talk about inappropriate things, and I enjoy hearing a good dirty joke once and while... please don't censor yourselves around me, I promise I'm very easy-going!

6. March Madness

7. I am the only woman in my entire department who doesn't have a mom hair-cut and doesn't wear tapered jeans on casual Fridays. That means there is definitely no one to talk with about my new tweed purse or amazing new pair of black mules.

8. While they all feel the need to eat fast food every day for lunch, no one ever has any chocolate on the days when I really need chocolate!

9. They were talking about their old TV and movie crushes today at lunch (yes, against better judgment, I did agree to accompany them to Arby's) and they were people like Beverly D'Angelo and Night Court's very own Markie Post! I couldn't relate at all. My TV crushes back in the day were Kirk Cameron and Mark Paul Gosselaar. So not only are all of my co-workers guys, but they're all old. I mean seriously, I've seen those old re-runs of Night Court, and if I remember correctly, I think Markie Post had an almost-mullet at one point in the show.

10. I have no balls with these guys. They are all die-hard republicans (not surprising considering the industry I'm in), talking smack constantly about Kerry supporters. And while I am definitely voting Kerry come November 2nd, I become mute-girl when they talk politics. So yes, I am ashamed to say that they all think I love Bush as much as they do. I am the biggest wimp, a sad-sad girl who can't even stand by her own convictions.

So I sort of feel bad about all this complaining, because I really do like the guys I work with, so here's an accompanying list of reasons why I love working with all guys:

1. No bitchy office-gossip.

2. No PMS (the only women here have probably gone through menopause already).

3. No bitchy office-gossip.

4. None of them will criticize what I'm wearing, or look down on me when I'm having a bad hair day. Because seriously, women are the only ones who really notice or care about that stuff.

5. No bitchy office-gossip.

6. They hold the door for me all the time. I'm all about being on the receiving end of male chivalry once in a while!

7. No bitchy office-gossip.

8. My cube is decorated the cutest! And I can leave little notes for people and I don't even have to sign my name because I am the only one with multi-color pastel post-its!

9. No bitchy office-gossip.

10. I actually started crying one day when I went to my boss just after getting sick and throwing up in the bathroom. There was no way he wasn't going to let me go home for the day! When I told him I would come back in the afternoon if I was feeling better he convinced me that that was entirely unnecessary, and if I needed to stay home the next day, that was completely fine as well. I'm telling you, these men can not resist a crying woman. It's a source of power for women that I don't think is always used to it's full advantage.