Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

I am in a very foul mood for many reasons right now, including, but not limited to…

1. It’s Monday. Need I continue? Ok, just for the heck of it…
2. My office is so f-ing cold, I’m about to call up some maintenance guy and rip him a new one. The hair on my ankles and lower calves (exposed skin due to this morning’s decision to wear capris) is growing at an exponential rate due to the chilliness. I believe New Guy and I are getting it the worst, because the air conditioning vent is right above our cubes. I’m considering bringing a blanket tomorrow, but in order to survive through the afternoon, I might just go sneak a cup of coffee from the “Coffee Club” pot in the kitchen, even though I don’t pay the $5 every two months to belong to this exclusive club. (It’s members have been known to tar and feather non-paying coffee stealers, but that’s a risk I might just have to take.)
3. I was all excited to show off my new haircut this morning at work, but it’s seriously like the frizziest it has been in years due to the humidity. Pisses me off.
4. The super hot and humid weather we’ve been having has caused my skin to break out all over the place around my hairline.
5. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are actually taking their ridiculous charade of a relationship to the next level, and it is getting to the point where it’s not funny anymore. I’m now concerned with Katie’s safety and sanity… those Scientologists put a chip in her head, I’m sure of it.

So due to the fact that I’m such a pissed off mother right now, (and also because I really like making lists), I’m going to list a few things that make me happy. I am TOTALLY a glass-half-full kinda girl. Soooooo… “These are a Few of my Favorite Things” (you’re supposed to sing that part):

---The way Dan’s face lights up when he gets that big mischievous smile going. Sometimes I even think I see a little twinkle in his eye, he’s just too scrumptious for words

---Snuggling last night on the couch watching really bad VH1 television (I think what we were watching was called The 100 Greatest Child Stars, it was awesomely entertaining.)

---Bella’s tiny little hairless puppy potbelly that she so unabashedly flaunts for rubs.

---Reading blogs and AIM away messages in an effort to break up the monotonous day to day corporate boringness that is my job.

---A 6” tuna Subway sandwich on honey oat bread, no cheese, lots of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, green peppers, and cucumbers. Yummmmmm.

---Mystic Tan. Friday was my first foray into self-tanning and I have never felt as attractive as I do now. With my new blonde highlights and golden skin-tone I feel like a genuine California girl. My only complaint would be for that girl at Boss Tanning who told us to “very generously” slather that blocking lotion stuff on our hands and feet, because now it looks like I’ve been tanning wearing gloves and those little tiny socks. Oh well, this is why I did this two weeks before Kate’s wedding, so I can get all the crazy kinks out of the system before the big day.

---My pink Egyptian belly-dancing hip scarf. That thing makes me feel like Beyonce or something, totally bootylicious. I’m telling you, get one, wear it around the house, shake those hips, listen to it go ching-ching-ching, it’s a very liberating feeling to know you have so much power in your hips, you feel all spunky and sexy.

---The new silver stilettos I bought for Kate’s wedding. I don’t know when I’ll ever wear them again, but they are fab and ultra-sexy. Who knew that making a required bridesmaid purchase would be so fun?

---My newest CD purchase, John Legend’s “Get Lifted”. I’m listening to it right now and his voice and the piano are very therapeutic, I’ve almost forgotten about my frizzy hair and greasy face.

---Stealing coffee from the “Coffee Club”. Yup, I did it… shhhh don’t tell.